I AM...

its been a while...BUT not really :)

2009-12-29T00:10:00.000-08:00

I've been cheating.

Naughty!

But let me explain.

blogspot, for MANY reasons was getting too crowded for me (reasons i wont go into...unless you ask me IN PERSON). I HAVENT...i say again...HAVENT jumped ship. this is still going to be a place where i put many things...probably movies and what not.

YES...i finished my 150 movie challenged and got paid. i will post the ending movies soon.

In the mean time though i needed a place where i could still write. Writing on paper is fun but there is something about the click of keys that gets me really going. it feels more FINAL then something on paper. SOOOO. that being said...

im tumbling on tumblr.

www.katieperezwrites.tumblr.com

this is my site for all my deepest thoughts, for my pictures, and my music that makes my world work! Its a little easier for me to navigate for all of the above. ive been updating it everyday...MULTIPLE times.

I just want to say now that i WILL NOT be sugar coating it like i was on here. If im having a bad day your gonna hear the damns and the hells of it all. I think its so wonderful that there is a place i can just put the inside of me on the outside and if it scares someone then i dont know anymore because right now IN THIS MOMENT i am happier then i have been in i'd say...EVER. My mind is healthier and happier then ive ever experienced and i owe it all to learning to love who i really am.

A little left of center, yes...but i love my quirkiness and i accept it and for some reason its exploded me into a world of perfect happiness i havent ever experienced.

So the new site is a reflection of my joys. the pictures, the music, the words. I just ask you to accept it if you accept me. You dont have to like it but you dont get to ask me to change either. Everything is in the lord's hand and im on a very creative path moving towards my ultimate goals.

The last thing i need is for someone to tell me i'm doing it wrong. I am more familiar with my testimony and know how firm it is that its set such an excellent foundation for me to build off of. All i need you to know is that i have gained more of an appreciation for the gospel then i have ever have and i am through with people questioning my heart.

There...

i think ive had my fill...PLEASE check out my tumblr account

www.katieperezwrites.tumblr.com

see what i hear, what i see, and what i think.

i love you all.

dont forget to share a smile with someone and that everything IS what you make it.

wow...im almost there

2009-11-05T08:38:00.000-08:00

Alright...i've totally slacked it off and havent kept up to date. let me start first with updating my list of movies bringing me closer to my goal:

96. Sunshine Cleaning
97. Adventureland
98. The Assasination of Jesse James by the coward Robert Ford
99. Sin Nombre
100. (original number of the challenge) Away We Go
101. Knowing
102. Wristcutters: A Love Story
103. Julia
104. Eastern Promises.
105. A History of Violence
106. Fame.
107. The Science of Sleep.
108. Trade.
109. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.
110. Thank You For Smoking.
111. Law Abiding Citizens.
112. Grosse Point Blank.
113. Vicky Cristina Barcelona.
114. Half Nelson.
115. The Exorcism of Emily Rose.
116. Far and Away.
117. Natural Born Killers.
118. Deliver us from Evil.
119. Leon: The Professional.
120. frailty.
121. Saw V. (this was my halloween slasher flick).
122. Witness.
123. The Savages (this movie without a doubt reminded me of kent and i and it was way rad to get to watch it with him and make comparisons to our life NOW).
124. Glengarry Glenross
125. The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard.

i own alot of these movies but i also discovered...REdiscovered blockbuster>>>saves me a TON of money every week and i am on that rewards program so i get alot of free movies now too. This has been a HUGE challenge for me...whoever thinks something like this is EASY...i implore you to please try it. Its like 3 movies a week...miss a week and it adds on to the next week. its crazy to keep up with.

im gonna finish well before the end of the year but its been crazy. im pretty grateful to all the friends who have opened their collections to me to pick from. its been crazy.

im going to be renting. THE COLOR PURPLE. THE DANGEROUS LIVES OF ALTAR BOYS. INFAMOUS. A CLOCKWORK ORANGE...and 2 other movies that are still TBD at this point and it will bring my count up to 131...so close i can see the light at the end of the tunnel and that

$150 waiting for me.

95.

2009-08-24T03:16:00.001-07:00

95. December Boys- I mentioned that i had started watching this and it starred Daniel Radcliffe of the Harry Potter series. I REALLY REALLY REALLY loved this movie. Like it was fantastic, except for one thing...THE ENDING. i think if it would have had a proper ending it would have been quite lovely but the general content is brilliant. Its about 4 orphan boys all born in the same month and all happen to be besties. They get to goon a Holiday to an island or...to a place in Australia off the coast. The story goes from there when they all tried to get adopted by a younger couple. its superb!

I'm on movie #96 now...The Assasination of Jesse James by the coward Robert Ford. It has Brad Pitt as Jesse James and Casey Affleck as Robert Ford. I'm only like 40 minutes in so yeah...

I'm on a weird musical kick...i have listened to Moulin Rouge, Chicago, and West Side Story soundtracks non stop tonight...

"We could be heroes forever and ever!"

94.

2009-08-23T00:59:00.001-07:00

94-Steel Magnolias- So i was informed by my mother that Steel Magnolia's takes place post boob job and tummy tuck for dolly parton. none the less she was good. The movie was a tear jearker. How cliche was it that i almost cried? Sometimes i can be such a girl. I love the dynamics and just the southern story-tale (fairytale). So lovely. If you have a heart and your a female...you need to see this.

I'm more then midway done with #95 December Boys starring Daniel Radcliffe of the Harry Potter series (he of course plays the title character Harry Potter). I actually like this movie. its a small tale tell. or...tell tale? I love hearding D.R. with an Australian accent. Unlike Emma Watson he has been able to pull a 180 in this performace like rupert grint. When i finish...more to come on the story line.

so far so good!

i realize that with only 5.4 movies left to watch that i have never seen in 2009 before i reach my 100 goal and still 4 complete months to go i am going to up my goal...or set a new one and say that by the end of the year i will have seen (drum-roll please)

150

movies that i have never seen in 2009. I know adding 50 for 4 months may seem like alot but at the rate i am going...it looks good. Zia records is an excellent source for movies at a cheap price and i have a good size list that grows all the time. My mom has said that she thinks it will be okay to add more shelves in that room for me to put my growing collection of movies on.

I'm looking for someone to donate movies for me to watch. It would be super helpful! Let me know what you got you think i may like.

In other new...the Little League World Series (LLWS)...WOWWWWWW> I cant really drag myself away from it. I'm a fan of the Warner Robbins team from Georgia and the power hitting California team. I think a match up is inevitable. A trip to Williamsport is in store!! The commentaters are HILLARIOUS. this one player from Mexico, Lucino Perez...the commentater meant to say he is from mexico but instead just said his name and mexican...i rewound and watched like 3 times. thank goodness for DVR!

anyways,

thats that.

91.92. and 93.

2009-08-22T11:21:00.001-07:00

91. I'm Not There- I'm not there is a Bob Dylan story told through his music and is acted by 6 actors who all embody a different part of the Dylan legacy. I.E: folk singing, acting, rocker...you get it. Anyways, its fantastic. If youre a real Dylan fan this is an A+ movie. I know some of his music but not enough to know the stories and the songs by the movie but i still loved this movie. It was real good acting. It has a pre drug overdose Heath Ledger in it and Cate Blanchett's oscar nominated best acrtess performance. She plays the most convincing guy in this movie.

92. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas- Johnny Depp and Benecio Del Toro...WEIRD WEIRD WEIRD movie. Like...i was looking forward to it being over. Its a work of art, dont get me wrong. it just completely taps into the drug use relm and i was told that unless you are high on acid or pot this movie is just a bundle of oddities and since i dont do the drug thing i spent most of the time just being like "WTF"...still a decent film and the acting...if i look at it from that perspective...AMAZING. I think i will just stick to Hunter S. Thompson's book.

93. Thumbsucker- AWESOME movie. This film nabbed a whole bunch of awards at film festivals and really dives into the world of ADHD medicine being used to "fix" kids who "authority" thought had issues when really they were just feeding these kids speed and they were becoming addicted to this stuff and once they got off of it, it sent the main character into a life of drugs and sex to fill that void of performance. I really love this movie. Vincent D'nofrio from Law and Order: Criminal Intent (my fav show) was good...i love seeing him in a non law and order line up. But the main character in the movie Lou Pucci (who coincidentally had a guest spot on law and order CI) he alone is AMAZING...so amazing in this movie and worth it.

right now i am watching Steel Magnolia's. I hear alot of good stuff about this as far as a chick flick and 30 minutes in i cant complain yet. Pre boob job and face lift Dolly Parton...and sweet hair for all the women!

89 and 90

2009-08-19T04:52:00.000-07:00

89. Madea's Family Reunion- seriously...horrible! I watched this with JRO and Kent...yucky! I dont think either of us were stoked about it. There were funny parts for sure. Any time tyler perry was dressed up as Madea or that old dude...i would laugh sooooo hard. but other then the hot man and a few laughs...nothing.

90. Michael Clayton- This was an AMAZING movie full of action and twists! i loved this movie and i have to be honest that i think this is the first george clooney movie i have out right LOVED. I mean, there were good ones but this is fantastic. i suggest this to EVERYONE. two thumbs WAY up!

still looking for a few movie suggestions. I started this Bob Dylan movie called i'm not there.i hear its suppose to be a good one.

86.87.88

2009-08-16T01:13:00.000-07:00

after a while at this whole movie thing i realize i am at liberty to say i know a think or two about movies and i am allowed to have an opinion. I have seen so many movies in my short 22 years and i plan on continuing full steam past my 100...i just realized though that i am allowed to have an opinion on movies and i can say i am up for just about anything...that being said...

i present to you movies 86.87.and 89...

im allowed an opinion.

86. Lost in Translation- i really rather liked this movie. Alot of people either liked it or hated it and i rather thought it to be brilliant. It really opened up my mind to Bill Murray movies...like his recent movies because i dont think he is the chain movie'd what about bob and groundhog day actor anymore. he was charming and scarlett johansen played her part well. it was about finding yourself in a veryunlikely place...right up my alley you know?

87. Julie and Julia- starring Meryl Streep and Amy Adams...really these are my FAVORITE actress' right now. I LOVED them in Doubt together and although they never shared the screen at the same time it was lovely. It follows blogger julie powell on her quest tocook all of julia childs recipes from her French cook book. i loved this movie and although it was slow in parts i found this movie to be charming and a real laugh riot suitable for all sexes but not really all ages! I saw it with my mom and willie...they loved it as well.

88. Ballet Shoes- This stars Emma Watson from the Harry Potter movies and i love her in those movies and i really thought it would be easy to get her out of the Hermione handcuffs she wears but it wasnt as easy as it was with Rupert Grint...no doubt she is still a fantastic actress it just wasnt as easy...that being said, this was an alright movie. i think if i would have watched it lying in bed like i have a majority of these movies i would have been trying to watch this movie for a few days. Its still fantastic...i would think that moms would like to take their daughters to see this one or just sit down on their couch and watch it. Its a cute girl movie.

Next up...well...at home i have started Michael Clayton and i may watch December Boys here at work...we shall see.

as i near the 100 mark i am considering what other goals i can set upon this now that i will have conquered 100 movies here soon...i may add another 50 to the count.

something to ponder.

suggestions?

83.84.85

2009-08-13T14:10:00.000-07:00

83. Rain Man- This was a classic. I understand what they say about not going "all the way" special. Dustin Hoffman was amazing and deserved that oscar. this is one of those feel good classics.

84. Friends with Money- This movie was harsh reality. It ddint go how i thought it was but its the reality of having friends with money. It was lovely. All the performances were good and although it wasnt a "oscar worthy movie" in my eyes it was still largly entertaining. This is one of those movies i WOULD recommend to other people.

85. Goodfellas- So i was told i would REALLY love this movie being that The Godfather was one of my favorite movies. It was good...but it wasnt GREAT. i KNOW that there will be people who get on me for that because this movie was a cult classic but no one does it better then the Godfather. That being said it was still alright.

Movie #86 is going to be Lost in Translation. It was nominated for a ton of oscars and i THINK it won a few. I hear mixed reviews on it so i will put it to the test and REALLY see what its all about.

80.81.82

2009-08-09T23:29:00.000-07:00

80. Holocaust- This is a 7.5 hour feature about the holocaust with some big names who realy got a start from this film from '78. I enjoyed it. I kept wanting people who died to live but...its reality. most of them passed away and those that were bad who i wanted to live met the reality they would have in real life. this is good. I have always loved Meryl streep and this was one of her first films so it was amazing to see that she was still good but still a growing and learning actress.

81. Driving Lessons- i LOVED this movie. Its with Rupert Grint and Julie Walters both from the Harry Potter movies and Laura Linney from an earlier movie i watched (you can count on me). I have to admit i was drawn to this movie because of the Potter stars. Rupert plays Ron Weasley in the HP movies and Julie plays Molly Weasley, Ron's mum. Both ended up being NOTHING like their potter characters and Julie Walters (also of mamma mia and billy elliot) was AMAZING...like she really did a wonderful performance. It portrayed the complexities of loneliness and the staunchiness of growing up in devout religions with devout and still corrupt parents. Laura L was soooo right for this role too.

82. There Will Be Blood- this was with Daniel Day Lewis. He is such a picky actor because he is a method actor but every movie i have EVER seen him in has been so good. This has alot to do with the oil wells at the turn of the century in california. Daniel Day Lewis won and oscar for his performance and he really is fantastic. its a little darker so if you can really appreciate the beauty of a film of any genre you will enjoy this ENTIRE movie like i did but regardless D.D. Lewis' performance is amazing.

I am watching movie #83-Rain man. We will see, so far so good.

all else is fine. Kent just got back from EFY saturday so its been nice to have him around.

79

2009-08-04T21:11:00.001-07:00

79. atonement- so dont get me wrong, i dislike kiera knightley but i like atonement. i thought the story was great with a different twist at the end. if people arent so hard on k.k as i am then they might like the movie alright, especially with the twist. but the actress' who played the sister were just awesome.

movie #80 is Holocaust...an almost 8 hour mini series from 1978 feturing james wood, Michael moriarity, and meryl streep.

tweet, tweet.

2009-08-04T09:43:00.003-07:00

http://www.twitter.com/KTthePEREZident

it's really the best way to find out what i am doing if i seem lost or in the cloud my tweets will give you the deets.

77, 78, and where i am in 79.

2009-08-04T09:34:00.000-07:00

77. terms of endearment- i had heard of this movie from a bunch of people and i really got a kick out of reading it...i guess it reminded me alot about my bestie tahnee and her mom and the situation they had been going through and i dunno...i got a good laugh out of it. i would recommend this video to women out there...any women. tough. soft. rich. poor. young and old. good stuff.

78. Traffic- i think for the first time in my life i was rooting for the bad guy. like you never really want the bad guy to win, especially now in my current role in life but like i was hoping this drug guy would get out of prison and sometimes i would root for the good cop on the mexican side and all along i just dont like mexicans so i hope they all end up dead but its just this huge shred of awesomeness...never had so much respect for drug czars for the government either. its a huge fuddled mess of story that is just awesome from beginning to end. good laughs.

i am watching movie #79 right now, attonment. i am not a kiera knightley fan but the dude in the movie played the attractive guy in becomming jane and he is nice to watch. so...we shall see.

the 100 movies list...THUS FAR

2009-07-31T13:34:00.000-07:00

So, here is where i am in my 100 movies list. if you see a movie on here that you want to see, chances are i own it and can not only tell you what i thought about it but let you borrow it.

1. Swordfish
2. Interview with a vampire
3. Alexander
4. Chocolat
5. No country for Old men
6. Vampires
7. Assault on precint 13
8. Lean on Me
9. This is England
10. Vantage Point
11. American Me
12. Shawshank Redemption
13. Step up 2
14. Full metal jacket
15. Burn after Reading
16. Gran Torino
17.Slumdog Millionaire
18. 7 pounds
19. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
20. Copycat
21. Untraceable
22. Real Women have Curves
23. Defiance
24. Frost Nixon
25. Gonzo
26. W.
27. Life is Beautiful
28. Road to Perdition
29. Happy-Go-Lucky
30. Milk
31. Taken
32. Blindness
33. Whale Rider
34. Lucky 13
35. The Wrestler
36. The Visitor
37. L.A. Confidential
38. Once
39. Stand By Me
40. Thelma & Louise
41. Rachel Getting Married
42. The Secret Lives of Bees
43. Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil
44. Speak
45. Hallam Foe
46. The Reader
47. Doubt
48. The Station Agent
49. Let the Right one In
50. Elvis
51. The King of Kong: a fistful of coins
52. Made of Honor
53. Never Back down
54. Last Holiday
55. Public Enemies
56. My Sisters Keeper
57. The Hangover
58. Reservoir Dogs
59. Capote
60. Taxi Driver
61. Tropic Thunder
62. Heathers
63. You can Count on Me
64. True Romance
65. He's just not that into you
66. The Messengers
67. The good, the bad, and the ugly
68. Pineapple Express
69. Driving miss Daisy
70. The Life of David Gale
71. Out of Africa
72. The Proposal
73. Ordinary People
74. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
75. Munich
76. Gosford Park

i am in the middle of movie #77...Terms of endearment. Anyways...i deeply enjoy movie time. Its a chance to just sit there and enjoy a creative art. Most of these movies are quality too.

so its been...a while

2009-07-30T04:00:00.001-07:00

Its funny that i totally forgot i owned one of these until just now and yet i was writing in it forever.

um...i dont have ALOT to say.

i am marrying off my 2nd best friend today...
leslie -may 25th
and now...
tahnee...TODAY.

its exciting but it just makes me think about where all the times goes.

i'm DEEP in my studdies right now and i rarely find myself with my nose not in a book or my hand or in the present moments case, my elbow, not touching a book. i dont know any longer how many books i have read in 2009...i stopped counting. but, alot.

i started this whole...100 movies in 2009 thing too where i watch 100 movies i have never seen...i started that at the beginning of the year as well..anyways, most of my movies face a certain genre that allow me to continue with my studdies without seeming like i've fleeted a fleeting course.

although...going off on a mental tangent on the harry potter series didnt help anything...i spent a little over ONE MONTH reading 7 harry potter books and watching 6 harry potter movies. i liken my mind right now to the hostal siege known as stockholm syndrome...you can say you hate it but the longer you are thrown into it's deep abyss the more acustomed your mind gets to just thinking...if only semptumserpia was a real curse right now i would use it on you...in september when i make my return to colorado Tyler and i will be doing potter trivia. i keep my mind up to date until that point and then i am going to have to force myself to disengage or else i will find myself stuck on that genre.

i've started this book about the Nuremberg trials...so far so good, i havent been able to put it down and i am talking...reading while driving and i am DEEP into the movie Gosford Park...its a funny little mystery movie set back a time or two with intersting twists and turns.

i think thats movie 79 of 100. i think next year i may double that one and do a...25 books, none under 400 pages. that seems more fitting i suppose.

on a more personal level...

im happy.

its not even nerving anymore to see myself smile. i'm learning to stop asking WHY am i so happy and just accept that i dont need a reason to be happy. i am allowed to just BE happy.

im excited for whats to come.

The best is yet to come...

2009-05-03T16:17:00.000-07:00

Here we go again!

Things are awesome.I cant explain it...how i feel. I feel more sure about myself then i have in...forever really.

Belief in myself. Trust in myself. Loving myself. Pushing myself.

Growth.

I am a leader and its great to be coming into that.

I get stuck in my head alot working out the mechanics of everything instead of just being in the moment and going for it. I yield better results just going for it then when i sit around and plan things out.

I get the opportunity to really take my life on now. Commitment is a line you cross and as long as i keep moving forward i will cross new lines every day.

I still have things to sort out but i get to look at every aspect and tackle everything.

I am truly blessed in my life.

I believe in myself more then i believe in my fears.

Thats a great feeling to wake up everyday knowing that i can do anything as long as i continue believing in myself.

the scary things are what they are and i get to face them and trust in myself and those in my life who i love unconditionally.

There has been a cleansing process too. I left behind bits of my life that were hard to let go. Hmm...to say i let go is actually wrong. I have decided to GROW from that which was hard to me. Its been great. I dont let my past hold me back from living in the present so that i can create my future.

I truly do creat the world that i live in.

I am there.

I see a beautiful and glorious future.

I am an extraordinary, powerful, giving, and loving woman!

Much Love!

walking for a cure.

2009-04-23T08:51:00.000-07:00

Well, here i go again!

I have registered to walk 39 miles for breast cancer at the end of june. Its going to involve me starting to train NOW for it. I am actually really excited to be going for it. I made the decision to walk in Colorado for temperature purposes mainly. I will be walking with my good friends Wendy and Erin and there is a good possibility that Tammie will join. I have commited to raising 1800 bucks and more information on how to donate will follow soon! Who knows, this could end up being another life changing moment for me.

seems like i have had alot of them as of late.

I continue to grow at monumental rates and not in the physical sense. I think back alot to who i was at say, the start of March. It's amazing the change i have gone through. I know i am suppose to be letting go of the past but i like to hold on to a few memories of miss doom and gloom, reminds me who i dont want to be like anymore. i get to always perform at 100% excellence and be 100% commited to myself and those around me. feels good to be handling my life and to be able to have so many life experiences right now.

I am an extrordinary, powerful, giving, and loving woman!

Im thinking about how to display my mission statement more in my life. wow, you know...im grateful. i really am. Thank you for those who stuck by my side through the doom and gloom phase.

im currently in my 22.6 year right now...terrible twenty-twos have turned into my amazing twenty-twos with so much to show for it.

oh and i finished typing my book! I am editing it now. i decided to turn the whole thing pink and as i edit it i will turn it black to keep track of how much i have edited and to make sure that i edit it all!

im off to get some new running shoes so i can hike today!

And i'm back...

2009-03-24T18:35:00.000-07:00

My life has been a crazy rollercoaster but i am down right happier then i have ever been thanks large in part to these guys:

I had a fantastic trip to Colorado this past weekend. Revolutionizing my life. It's funny...things that upset me before suddenly are mere thoughts for a minute and then gone forever! I like that.

Leslie's wedding is coming up pretty fast which means my lease and time with her as my roommate is almost done...i am sad about it but sooo excited for her to get married! She deserves it! I have an IDEA about where i want to live but i need time to start looking. Time is something i have had a hard time finding as of late. I am thinking about the tempe area. I just have alot to figure out before then about about finding the right place where i know i will be happiest of all.

i want a library!

Bonnie came to visit me and we had a fun day at the zoo with Baby Jesus and then a fun dinner with Kent and Jaymond:

I started looking at availability for hostels in Italy. I am going to go to Italy in 2011 and in 2012 i am going to go to London for the olympics. if i sart booking and saving now i will be there. I dont have ANY idea where i will be in 3 years from now but i do know that this trip is for me!

Also, the river opens May 2-3...if anyone wants to go to a river i am going every week so chances are that if you just text me or call me i will go with you!

Thank you everyone for making me smile!

SLEEP.

2009-03-10T16:09:00.000-07:00

where are you?

please come back to me.

i need you in my life.

progress.

2009-03-05T22:01:00.000-08:00

I finally finished Midnight in the Garden of good and Evil...dont know why it took so long but today (thursday) was an exceptionally long day for me and i managed to finish reading THREE books all over 250 pages. I found i cried exceptionally much in one book call Multiple Bles8ings by Jon and Kate Gosselin. I recommend that book for my sisters. Its just the perfect mix between a fantastic story and very religious minded. I loved it. I loved how it was such a fantastic story of their life and just how close they stayed with God and how much they held to him and in the end it saved them during their struggle with the birth of the sextuplets and then managing their twins. Anyways, if you want to read that one...let me know. quick and fantastic read.

I am officially on book #14.2...I am reading Dear Exile, a book about two friends who go their seperate way for one year and they write each other constantly to stay in touch about their adventures. I love it. I really wish i had a pen pal to write all the time.

Any offers?

MCADO, the detention association, is starting to pick up and my responsibilities are just enough to drive me crazy but excite me so much! http://www.mcado.org/ ....check that one out for me. The website is my baby now.

My official MCADO mug shot. We were laughing saying i should get an action shot of myself taking off my clothes because everyone is always commenting how i am ALWAYS undressing in some way or another at the meetings. Everyone realized i hadnt stripped quite yet but not 15 minutes later we snapped this:

"the proof is in the picture" MCADO President John Solano said to me in the email with the picture. I really enjoy MCADO and what it stands for (giving officers a voice in the sheriff's office). The man below me is Joe Clure, PLEA (phoenix law enforcement association) treasurer...good guy.

cant complain...work is good and things are shaping up.

oh and i am on movie number 40 of 100 and i have a list of 12 movies to see!

looks like for the first time in a LONG time i may actually complete my new years resolutions early...good feeling i tell ya...

GOOD FEELING!

you didn't get to heaven but you made it close.

2009-03-01T15:35:00.000-08:00

So, is it wrong of me to do this if that let's say someone left their girl scout cookies on their desk and went on vacation for two weeks and i took both boxes of Samoa cookies home with me to eat?

Cause it didn't feel wrong.

It just tasted good.

Then again...

I don't have much of a conscience.

this is what i've waited for...

2009-02-27T18:48:00.000-08:00

Well, i got to thinking later today what it would be like if i quit my job and took up doing what i have always loved doing...WRITING.

i'm not talking about the kind of writing where i sit down at a newspaper desk, no, i am talking about the kind where i write a book at home, get money from it, and live book to book.

The idea of spending countless hours crowded around a computer just typing and being some creative genious in the walls of my own home...so comforting.

i love the idea of looking at a passing car and writing some novel about the man in the car.

it would allow me to travel more.

i guess it would be nice to just write full time you know?

Some people want to get married.

Some people want to have kids and be parents.

Some people want world peace.

I just want to write for a living.

i'm letting myself down seeing this fight in you...

2009-02-27T03:56:00.000-08:00

Somedays i feel like writing and other days i am just as fine without.

somedays i cant breathe until i write. Somedays i HURT...i HURT when i cant get what is in my head out. somedays i cant sleep until i get my mind worked out. I know when i CRY that my mind means business, my mind NEEDS to be worked out.

I havent cried but im somewhere in my head...somewhere i cant figure out. The hours seem to be passing pretty slowly tonight. It is 509am...i meant to go to sleep my 3am at the latest but 2 hours later and i cant close my eyes...i cant settle myself. i cant BREATHE until i help myself.

my friends...my family. they mean the world to me.

I know i havent ever really been a FAMILY person...but i love my brothers and sisters and i LOVE more than anything my nephews and nieces. I have always wished to be closer to my older sisters. Its nice as of late to feel that im grown up enough to talk to them...i love them too and i was always very young but i like that things are getting better with them. i've always wished that i could go visit kelly more too. i hate just talking to her on the phone all the time. Kelly was at one point the only person who understood me and the only person i confided everything to and KNEW she would NEVER judge me because she loved me for who i was and didnt judge me for the choices i made or for the boys i loved because she was that amazing sister i always turned to:

You know what i hate more then anything though right now...and where i break down the most?

I HATE seeing my friends, let alone my best friend, suffer. Leslie is getting married and she is so-so excited and i am so-so excited for her, she doesnt even know! I just hate knowing that she is stressing out with wedding details and all of the EXPENSIVE tid-bits that come with it. i wish that i didnt have so much reservation with getting married myself because of the wedding/marriage history in my family. I really dont like hearing she stayed up all night thinking about how she will work out certain details. Like my headline: i feel like i am letting myself down seeing the fight she is going through. I love Leslie to little bits. She is the only person i have ever trusted enough to do WHATEVER she asks of me even if i get discomforting feelings about it because i ALWAYS know that in the end i only have more respect for her for being right:

i wish i had a million dollars to give her.

i wish i had a million dollars to help my family out. in particular.

i wish i had a million dollars to help myself out.

i wish alot of things were different.

like knowing that i dont judge and it is okay to tell me anything.

i am always happy for people i love.

in the garden...

2009-02-14T17:18:00.000-08:00

I finished Naughty Neighbor in about 2 days. I trid to make it my genre but its just not! It wa one of my goals in the 50 book challenge to try all genre's and i am doing that! Up now is a TRUE CRIME book called In the Garden of Good and Evil by John Berendt. I'm slow to get into it but i have conquered 41 pages of the book so im moving along.

I appreciate all of my friends, family, and work friends who have helped me with this challenge by suggesting and giving me books to read. I'm moving right along!

ps-tomorrow is Hunter's Birthday...

romance-less and those darn cookies

2009-02-10T17:25:00.001-08:00

Okay, i just finished the book The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd...A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!! Right up my alley! I thought it was a perfect mix of cute, funny, and oddly touching. You can't go wrong with that you know? My mom got me into thinking about reading this book. I will admit that 99.7% of the time when my mom suggests a book for me i throw it on the list of books called, "to be read when i retire, husband has passed on, kids have moved away, and put me in a retirement home in maine"...but i took her advice and read this book and it was AWESOME!!! I suggest this book to people...people who...never really fit in anywhere, people who wished to know their mothers more, and people who have a HEART!!! I can't say enough about this book.

Next up is a book by Janet Evanovich called Naughty Neighbor. In college my roommates used to all read those trashy romance novels and i just couldnt bring myself to read them. Not my genre...BUT, in light of this 50 book challenge i will be testing all genre's including romance. My friend from work, Jen Krenzel, hooked me up with a few books to read and i decided to start Naughty Neighbor first. I am finding more and more as i read this book that i was right to begin with...romance is just not my genre. Funny...i could say that about my life too. Romance, just not my thing, i prefer the traditional...lets go to a movie, you pay for dinner, i'll keep you up all night kissing on my couch and just for fun i'll make you laugh uncontrollably with my wity humor. THAT is my ideal night with ANY guy i date...somehow...it's been working JUST FINE for me! I try and really get into that swoon thing that surrounds the book but im such a misanthropist at times that the swoon annoys me. I am on page 65 of 229...when i finish in the next day or two i will let you know if my opinion of romance novels change.

Now, the most important time of the year is upon us. GIRL SCOUT COOKIE TIME...if you see one of these girls:

Make sure you give them a hug for me! I ordered some a while back and am still waiting for those darn girl scouts to deliver them to me. I got a taste test at work when someone brought some in to me...i almost killed over! I LOVE THOSE DANG COOKIES!!!! Feb 20 those girls hit the stores and you better believe i will be at both safeway and fry's on opening day buying them out of all their samoas! such a tasty cookie!
If anyone brings me or buys me a box of samoas...there will be a treat for you. i dont know what it will be yet but i need to be handed a box first. my diet for the rest of girl scout cookie month will be samoas and thin mints! YUM YUM!

today is my friday at work. I am stuck in perhaps the most boring position tonight and i will be totally secluded but i think its because they are FINALLY going to "interogate" me for the string of trouble that i have been causing at work. Everyone i work with thinks its ridiculous and im 3 more days away from thinking this is all a joke and i start to find it funny along with everyone else. We shall see!

i have big plans.

2009-02-06T15:29:00.000-08:00

3 days ago i was out driving around and i saw a man on the corner who was riding a bike, on his shoulder, a blue parrot. I honked my horn. I don't even know why. For some reason i haven't been able to get that man and the parrot out of my mind. It doesn't even have a point in this blog. I just haven't been able to get it out of my mind, maybe further down the road it will surve a purpose, just not right now. Alot of things don't mater now but i just have a feeling that someday they will all mean something, and something might come soon. I am starting to realize my potential and just how much of an impact i can make and do make.

I have big plans.

I am in the middle of reading, The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd. This is book # 9.2 of the year. It would be ten but i didn't start Interview with the Vampire until 2008 and i finished it 2 days into the new year so i guess i can't count it...ALL THE WAY. This book thing, it's opening my eyes up to alot of different styles and types of writing and opening my mind to all different types of stories and helping me figure out where i where and what my perspectives are.

I have big plans.

I'm still trying to reach my goal of 100 movies i have never seen before in 2009 as well. I am currently watching the movie MILK, i am almost finished, and that would make 30 movies in '09. It's an electric accomplishment. That is another way i have opened my eyes to all different stories; movies. From fictional stories to documentaries about Gonzo Journalism; it's all for the better. I would like to comment though that the movie MILK is very much not a movie i like. I'm too republican for my own good at times. I pride myself for beign a moderate and voting both Republican and Democrat but when it comes to equal rights...i fall short of acceptance to certain types of people. It's not about acceptance, it's about what is right and what is TERRIBLY wrong. I have alot i am working on right now to get things moving on paper to hopefully change things and to PROTECT Arizona...FOREVER.

I have big plans.

Tomorrow is a new day.

Here is to books, and to movies, and to protecting the people and ideas you love!

i hope they serve beer in hell

2009-01-25T15:44:00.000-08:00

I don't mean this literally...

it's a book i am reading by Tucker Max:

I have decided that this is one of the funniest books i have EVER read...EVER. It makes me openly break into fits of giggles and tears. However this book should come with a LARGE caution sign attached to it. It's very...on the edge!

I decided that in '09 if i was going to read 50 books that i would need to expand my genre so that the 50 books wouldnt be a miserable feat for me. Believe it or not, reading in a constant fashion to make yoru quota each month can be time consuming and frustrating. I try to cram as many books into one month as i can because i know some months will be slow months. At the current moment, Tucker Max's book lands me at book #6 of 2009. I hope to finish either tonight at work or before i go to bed in the morning and can move on to #7. I have figured that i need to read at a MINIMUM of 4.4 books a month to meet my 50 book quota by december 31. I have 3 more Jane Austen's to read and i KNOW those will be slow months...maybe the months where i only get 2 books read. Details for later...

Right now i am enjoying Tucker Max's book. Although i think this is an incredibly funny book and it makes me laugh uncontrollably, i WILL NOT be suggesting this book to my family members and MOST of my friends. If you would like to read the book anyways and enjoy the same laughter...i will let you borrow mine but i dont want to hear, "Katie, how could you read something like this?"

My answer:

"When you are as open minded as i am; you just can"

now my feet wont touch the ground

2009-01-23T01:10:00.001-08:00

Well, my computer is broken and has been for about 2 weeks now. It really blows because i just got a cord to get it fixed and i think that this time...its for reals. She's gone. I got an external hard drive for christmas and my computer had just enough life left in it to transfer everything over. It's about that time for a new computer i guess.

Speaking of new things, i finally got a car! probably abotu 3 weeks ago i guess...maybe 2? Anyways, it's a 2006 mercury milan. its black, has a sun roof, leather 2-toned seats...its the premiere edition so its nice...but its not my mazda. Doesn't handle the same...i guess it will just take some getting used to. Last week my mom oh so lovingly backed into it and dented the side. I will be taking it in soon to get the dent out. Tonight someone's tire blew in front of me on the freeway and their bolts hit my car and scrathed up the front...thats not noticable but boy was i pissed! good thing no one was with me. Needless to say, i have bad car luck. i'm still waiting for the time when i can just have nice things and not have everything break on me...soon. everyone needs to have trials in their lives. some people just have them more frequent then others. God wouldnt have me go through all of this if i wasnt strong enough. there is a reason i am being kept alive, and pushing through it all...i just have a feeling that someday i will be doing something great. i just need to wait it out.

work is going good. it's work...you can expect too much. things are changing there too...im getting more involved and i am learning how to get to the top. i have NEW plans!

im still reading and working towards my goal...i am on 5 books this year and working on number 6. i am hoping to finish tonight and then start on my next book. reading has really been nice for me. its helped me to escapt certain parts of my life i really would rather read through. not the best way to handle things but its MY way of handling things and its going to get me through life.

I have been retyping one of my old books i wrote years ago, the chosen one...its been a trial. I had no formal writing training as a sophmore in high school and so there is alot of grammatical mistakes and i am typing it all up and adding more...there are 3 parts to it made into 3 seperate books...to make the books longer i might combine them all...its just going to depend what they can be shrunk down to when i finish it all. i will update more on that...i just have alot to go...i think i have retyped 52 of 179 pages of book one. it certainly hasnt totaled out to be 52 but its got a few pages to it. i am wearing a daily reminder to not forget about it...my little memory stick that has the story on it. i wear it to work and work on it there, i wear it wherever i have a computer around and work on it, i even wear it to bed and work on it in my mind as i sleep. this time its for real.

im holding it together.

ps: check out coldplay's new cd...Prospekt's march...special edition and an add on to VIVA LA VIDA...its AMAZING!!!

2009

2009-01-01T09:07:00.000-08:00

read 50 booksi have NEVER read before, get in one less serious accident then i was in in 2008, watch 100 movies, work seriously on my book, edit rough drafts of the high school books, and as always, lose some weight!

those are my resolutions/goals for the new years.

i thought back in November i think it was...maybe December even, that i would see if i could have done the 50 books in 2008. i listed all of the books i read this year and came up with only 29. i am sure i have read more but i had to accept defeat that it probably NEVER happened. this year, it IS happening. i totaled it out that i need to read 4.16 books a month in order to completer my task by the end of the next year. keep your fingers crossed on this one. i will post every book as i read it.

this year FLEW by. like, i am not kidding...it went so fast that i am not even sure how to account for it all. it was a year of rollercoaster emotions and growing even older. i went through plenty of boys and am settling on a single life for a little bit longer. This year ended with a crash but im getting through it. its all on the mend.

i'm most excited about the book adventure! i compiled the list of books i REMEMBERED reading in 2008 for people to paw through. If anyone needs advice on a book that is on my list, ask away!

1.post mortem-patricia cornwell
2. body of evidence-p.cornwell
3. all that remains-p.cornwell
4. cruel and unusual-p.cornwell
5. the body farm- p. cornwell
6. from potter's field- p. cornwell
7. cause fo death- p.cornwell
8. hornet's nest- p. cornwell
9. unnatural exposure- p.cornwell
10.point of orgin- p.cornwell
11. black notice- p.cornwell
12. the two mary's- slyvia browne
13. suzanne's diary for Nicholas- james patterson
14. eat, pray, love- elizabeth gilbert
15. the fiction class- susan breen
16. catcher in the rye- J.D. Salinger
17. twilight- stephenie meyer
18. new moon- s. meyer
19. eclipse- s. meyer
20. breaking dawn- s. meyer
21. the host- s. meyer
22. midnight sun- s. meyer
23. the hunger games- suzanne collins
24. sense and sensibility- jane austen
25. pride and prejudice- j. austen
26. mansfield park- j. austen
27. post office- charles bukowski
28. emma- jane austen
29. pulp- charles bukowski

here is to a year of even more books...and movies...and SAFETY!

pushing past everything...

2008-12-31T05:10:00.000-08:00

it's been 6 days since the accident.

physically, i am pretty much good to go. my bruises are healing and my aches and pains are almost non existent. probably the worst thing right now are the headaches which feel pretty bad.

the thing i am stuck at now is the emotional and mental part of my recovery. if i would have known that it was going to be like it is...i dunno...i dunno what i would have wished.

i don't sleep very much...maybe only 3 or 4 hours with an hour nap during the day. during the night i wake up in a cold sweat after having terrorizing dreams of my accident. i cant seem to shake that feeling that i shook death and it's still lerking. don't get me wrong...i am WAY MORE then grateful to be alive but its a weird feeling to be that close and to walk away.

i drove for the first time the other day. it actually wasnt too bad. maybe if i hadn't been driving with my mom it would have been better but i didnt freak out unless my mom stressed me out. i could see getting back into the steady driving routine i was in sometime soon.i still dont know what to do about a car. i keep praying that god will present an opportunity for a loaner car during this time until i can secure another car. for some reason alot of people think that bad driving caused the accident but i cant seem to get it into everyones head that it was a freak accident. i was going 10 under the speed limit and there was heavy rain involved. i wasnt impaired and i wasnt being reckless.

i am taking an extra 2 or 3 days off of work to get over the emotional and mental part of this all. i dont work a normal job and there is absolutly NO reason i need to go back to work and put other officers lives at risk if i am not yet at 100%. i just wish i could shake that guilty feeling that comes with taking more time away from work.

i'm getting there...im gonna get past this...I KNOW.

it's almost the new year. i joke around with Les alot saying my theme for 2009 is going to be you'll be fine in '09. it's super cheesy and it makes us laugh but in all seriousness...

i hope I AM fine in '09...

pictures of the rollover...

2008-12-27T07:11:00.000-08:00

So, there you have it...pictures and a little proof of the accident. i miss my car terribly. i feel pretty stuck right now. the last picture i am including is of my beautiful eyes. im hoping that day after the accident i will start feeling better. im in the 'its been 24 hours' phase so everything feels crummy on me.

when your life flashes before your eyes...

2008-12-26T09:49:00.000-08:00

well...

i dont even know what to say. December 26th...

the day i almost died.

God must have a pretty massive plan for me if he saved me from my car accident.

As i was driving to my parents house i was on the over pass between the 101 and the 60 when my car hit some water and hydroplaned pretty bad. I tried to correct it but by the time i came close to the cement wall i knew it was all she wrote. At that exact moment my thought was, 'well, it's been a good 22 years'. i absolutly did NOT expect to live. I hit the cement wall, my airbags deployed, and my car tipped over onto the drivers side and skidded on its side some more and then finally flipped over on to the top of my car. I had my seat belt on so i just got jossled pretty bad. I came to rest along another cement wall facing the opposite direction of the traffic. I didn't freak out until i saw the headlights of another car and thought he was going to hit me. He skidded to a stop and called 911. I released my seatbelt and landed on my neck pretty good. i knew i needed to get out at that point...

if you stack your two hands on top of each other, long ways, thats how much room i had to scoot out of on my drivers side window. It was all pretty smashed in there. the guy who called 911 grabbed my hands and helped pull me out. the glass from all my windows BUT the sun roof was shattered so i was scooting out on top of gravel and glass. When i got out of the car i just laid flat on my back in the road in alot of pain. it was raining hard and i was shaking pretty bad and in complete shock so the people who stopped to help took off their jackets and tried to warm my rain soaked body. i was more concerned with the fact that they were cold and shaking too.

at some point before i scooted out i called my parents house and talked to kent who went and got the parentals up. next item on my agenda was to call my roommate/best friend Leslie. Both the parentals and leslie picked up and ran to my rescue. police and fire showed up and asked me lots of questions and finally the ambulance showed up. my mom and willie got there next. after i was in the ambulance leslie showed up and she stayed until after they flipped my car over and she retrieved all the personal belongings that she could.

i stayed at the hospital for quite some time but i had nurses and a really legit doctor who were in and out of my room the whole time i was there working with me. Once they put morphine in me...i was good to go! sort of...

it was a freakin' MIRACLE that i didnt die in the roll-over. my car was i guess in pretty poor shape. i was in too much shock and pain to realize what my car really looked like. i can tell you the inside did NOT look too good...then again i was ahnging upside down. i didnt break a single bone or get super cut up by all the glass exploding around me...IN FACT...the guy who pulled me out and Leslie bled more then i did. I am really bruised and have alot of bumps and little mini cuts from all the glass but i will live another day. I'm in a lot of pain even with all the pain meds i was hooked up with. I cant imagine what i will feel like when the perkasete wears off...good thing i have more pills! I'm pretty much on some form of bed rest for the next 2 days and then i have 5 more days after that to recuporate before i have to go back to work. if only it was more like a vacation instead of recovery time.

I would LOVE to have visitors since i dont have a car to drive anywhere now. Leslie has to sleep in the mornings/afternoon so out of respect for her and my healing body i cant have visitors any earlier then 230. if you arent sure if its a good time or you want updates on my well being you can call my cell phone.

480.229.1049.

thanks for all the texts and phone calls i have recieved since being released this morning. i really had a life changing moment today. when your life flashes before your eyes it really puts things into perspective. i realized the people i loved the most and cant wait to be more appreciative of them.

my mom is going by the lot where my car went to and is goign to take pictures and get everything else out of my car. i will post pictures as soon as i get them from her so STAY TUNED...

2 years.

2008-12-18T02:15:00.000-08:00

2 years ago on this day my nephew Hunter passed away. Every person who knew this precious little boy suffered in their own way. Those who know me best know that my neices and nephews are my entire life and i would lose hours and hours of sleep and bend over backwards just to be there with them and for them. When Hunter passed away it was like a bomb going off inside of me. I was already going through a painful time when i had a seizure and ripped open my lower back. I was frustrated with my life and then Hunter passed away and i fell apart even more. A little boy i called nephew was gone. Maybe it's a little weird that i pay tribute to his life on the day he passed away but Hunter passing away eventually opened up my eyes to life.

it's funny the things that you remember and the things that you don't. What you do remember are the details. Sometimes you can just feel the details. The bits and pieces you never thought to put into words. You can feel these extreme moments even if you don't want to. You put these together and you get the feel of a person, enought to know how much you miss them.

I can't forget him and i won't ever remember to forget him. I still remember the thanksgiving when he and i laid flat on our backs pointing out the shapes in the clouds. Or when he and i and my neice Haley were jumping on the trampoline and i tackled him hard like a linebacker and he just laughed. or when he lived with us for a while. Or the time i thought it would be the last time i ever got to kiss his little hand and then he started to pink up only to be followed by me kissing his forhead for the final time. Or standing outside the room watching them turn off his machines and seeing his monitors flatline and hear the doctor's say, "he's gone". Then watch as a nurse wrapped him in a purple blanket and place him gently into my sister's arms for her to hold him. I still have my tissues that i cried in from that night. I don't even think it's pathetic. It's the last thing i have from my moments with Hunter being alive. I put them in my journal wedged between the pages where i wrote all about the things to come following his passing.

I remember he had this dump truck he used to play with. It was yellow. I remember he would put sand into it and then he would unload on my shoes. I would always get mad and he would laugh. I would kick off the sand and he would do it again.

yes, it's funny the things that you remember...

KENT IS COMING HOME!!!!!

2008-12-17T14:34:00.000-08:00

KENT COMES HOME TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am going to the airport to pick him and Tahnee Smith up. i am so stoked! it feels like FOREVER since i have had my brother home with me in ARIZONA! I just thought i would share this exciting anouncement! Yay for having Kent come home!

Turkey Day

2008-12-02T06:05:00.001-08:00

SO...this years turkey day was quite a chaotic mess as usual! We had it at the parent's place and there were 31...or was it 41 people...bottom line...there were ALOT of people there. I was kind of bummed that Meagan wasn't there or Kent because then the closest person to my age besides my sisters was my neice Haley. Sometimes i miss having Meagan and Kent around more. We ate around 230 and all i really remember is that at some point i had eaten so much that i had to switch into my basketball shorts. The food was AMAZING and i got TONS of leftovers to take home for Leslie and myself. I speant alot of time reading with Haley but i conquered alot of Jane Austen. Oh and i drank 3-52 oz. Mountain Dew sodas...i was in overload. My nap lasted like 4 hours but i got up in time to have a second feast with Les. Here are a few pics from the event!

Stay tuned, more to come...

they're just living in my head.

2008-11-27T06:28:00.000-08:00

SO, i got the most amazing opportunity to go see Coldplay, one of my FAVORITE bands, LIVE!!! My roommate/best friend. Leslie's birthday is December 10. She is a HUGE fan of Coldplay and i thought, how cool would it be to get her some tickets for an early birthday present? I asked her if she would want to go and she said YES!! I got the tickets, not the cheap seats by any means, and the seats turned out to be excellent! We went to dinner at a place called Moe's and then decided to fight the crowds to get shirts. i LOVE mine and Leslie says it is a "Katie shirt"...apparently i have a specific style of clothes. Les' grabbed us some dip n' dots before

Coldplay actually got started and when they did start...so LEGIT!!! They set the tone for the concert of right by playing Leslie's happy song 'Clocks.' Clocks will ALWAYS remind me of my amazing best friend. I have Clocks set has her ringtone and its always nice to see how happy/relaxed she gets when she hears this song that has a personal meaning to her. It was at that moment in the concert when i looked over and saw Leslie with me that the concert took an amazing turn and i was even more so stoked to be there and i was in such a good mood. There isn't anyone i would rather have gone with then Leslie. We had a blast. The whole concert was

just unbelievable from the beginning. I have deff been to concerts where the band didnt sound as good live as they did on their cd's but Coldplay was even better live!! Chris Martin has an amazing voice and both Les and i commented that the drummer Will Champion had an amazing voice too...in fact, ALL of the members of Coldplay were amazing singers. There are some incredible humans out there. someone please tell me how they are made and when you find out, please tell me so i can have kids just like that. They moved around alot and sang soooo many of their songs from all of their albums. I sang along to every song that came on and screamed so

much! it was pretty funny at the end of the concert when Leslie came out sounding like a man from screaming so much. Almost at the end of the concert they marched through the crowd and went and played a set up in the seats around where Leslie and i sat...that was so legit! They played the scientist and then the drummer Will sang one of his songs which was just as amazing. I made sure to cheer extra loud when he was finished. They played EVERYTHING and it was awesome! When it was all over i was in such a good mood. As we were leaving there were these kids handing out free cd's for "Cold Tapes" a Coldplay tribute. They had 5 Coldplay songs on

the cd and i think Leslie and i were pretty skeptical about it but we were sort of stoked to plug it in anyways. Once we got it started we were laughing sooooo much! It was no joke a gangsta-gangsta version of Coldplay. My favorite song was the God Put a Smile tribute. Oh man...that was flippin' hillarious! THATS WHATS UP! Even the green eyes song was a laugh. Actually, that was the most humorus of them all. Basically...the whole night was a night i wont ever forget. A Memory to last a lifetime. I was in such a good night and to be perfecly honest i am still in a good mood. Here are a few extra pics from their sets. The second pic in red was during the
Clocks set. I hope they come back soon because I WILL BE THERE...

That's what's up...

it's just different grass.

2008-11-17T06:15:00.001-08:00

Dear Sheriff Joe-

Thank you for the brand new $600 dollar stab/taser resistent vest i was given along with the other officers who work level 4 but i really would have rather had a raise. Maybe you can fire one of your 24 chiefs who make 6 figures each and give me 61 more cents an hour. After being kicked in the boobies and scratched by a psychotic inmate..$18.61 an hour isn't enough money.

from your 3 time asaulted employee,
Officer K.E. Perez B0806

i have had a ruff few days at work. my only saving grace has been when i make it to my bed. i have a very fond love for my 1,000 count bed sheets right now and i certainly havent been able to be in it as miuch as i have wanted to because of school and work is not helping me. i wised up and refused concentra this time after being assaulted the 3rd time but everyone is telling me i need to get my chest examined. we will see. i really wish i had someone who understood what i was going through and could pat me on the back and just give me a good talk about things. i wish i saw Leslie a bit more so she could just reassure me but what little time i get with her is very precious and im usually trying to cram everything else in. I love where i work and i love my partners but mentally and physically i am suffering.

i realized the other day that i grew up too fast. some of you older folk might say there is no such thing as too fast. Just look at who i used to be...i changed over night. I decided i wanted my independence and i went about getting it the wrong way. now that i am only 22 years old and completly on my own i regret not mooching of my parents longer. I regret looking at the grass on the other side and thinking it was greener. Because as Karen Udall told me;

"the grass isn't always greener on the other side, it's just different grass"

i am going to always remember that and i will think now before i make any more lofty decisions. Except for this decision...i am getting a massage as soon as possible! My lower back is killing me! stupid bathtub accident!

for bonnie...my little sister.

2008-11-09T18:40:00.000-08:00

Meet Bonnie:
Bonnie is my youngest sibling in my big-big mixed family. I like to tell her all the time that she is my favorite little sister and she likes to tell me all the time that i am her favorite sister. (Meagan...i don't really count you as a younger sibling...just 6 months my junior). I have gotten pretty lucky when my dad remarried FOREVER ago that i got two other siblings who were 100% legit. I still remember when i met Bonnie and she was 6 or 5 maybe (she is 17...or is it 18?...no 17) and she walked in through her mom's door crying about how her brother Jaymond got the better folder at the copy place. I was like 10 or 11 so i was pretty much like...GREAT! My first impression was not the greatest but i guess its a good thing that i never take first impressions seriously. Throughout the years I have grown to love Bonnie has more then just a sister but as a friend. She's cute you know and guys dig that but she knows too that it won't be just my dad sitting on the porch with a shot gun waiting for her to come home late at night when she is out with the guys because i tend to be able to stay up longer then my dad and i have a taser with a night light on it and can probably hunt them down better too then a retired vietman vet. Regardless...i love my little sister. I will never forget the time she got stung with a scorpion and i had to bandaid tobacco to her little white butt cheeks or the time we broke open glow sticks and sprayed them all over the room at the crap apple cabins and on the dog just so we could have a night light show when it got darker (my idea)...or the time we broke into the church and got in trouble and everyone blamed it on me and i denied it. Tag in the dark in the relief society room, playing with the doll house, burning things, dressing kent and jaymond up like girls, or when i came over for father's day weekend but spent the whole time with you locked in your room watching grey's anatomy. ALWAYS being able to convince your mom to let you ditch school when i come visit because "i'm not always around and she should be able to be with her sister"...cat walk, her dance shows...bonnie is a good dancer...America's FAVORITE dancer...we love her long arms and her inhability to move around with ease especially...or maybe that is just me! HA HA. Making fun of my dad and convincing him to eat even when Sunny tells him not to, understanding each other without really having to talk, and for TONS of other things this past decade plus. Yeah, i love my little sister:

ps Bonnie: I know a secret you want to know and you cant know until i let you know!!! I WIN!!!

lake pleasant and a refusal to shop

2008-10-24T17:55:00.000-07:00

Thursday i went to Lake Pleasant with 2 of my good guy friends Jesus and Cody. We initially went with the intention of swimming but it was sooo cold. Luckily Cody had in his truck some fishing poles from a previous camping trip. so we improvised and set up shop to fish. since we all had swimming suits on we would get in the water when we would cast and just stand waist deep in the water. it was so fun. the colder it got the further out of the water we got until it was dark and we were standing on the rocks night fishing and just talking. i was sitting in a camping chair with my pole and i brought out my big Jane Austen book and Jesus says, "you brought a book?" and my response..."DUH!" it was nice to get a little reading done. i am on Emma now...i REALLY relate to this story.

I finished Hunger Games...Meagan, Tammie, Heather, Peggy...you NEED to read this book. I am OBSESSED with it. Go out and buy it...its like 17 bucks at Borders. If you liked Twilight you will love this book. i am ready for the next book already.

Back to my fishing trip...actually...here are some pictures.

This is Cody in the water with his "lucky" hat on. he says it was suppose to bring him luck...trust me...he would have done just as poor without it!

me fishing.

at one point i went up to get a shirt out of my car (i was wearing a tank-top) and when i came down the sun was coming down and i thought it was a great shot of cody and jesus out there fishing. we had the whole area to ourselves.

Also, i have decided that i REFUSE to go grocery shopping until i finish all the food in my pantry. There is so much food that people waste because they have so much extra food lying around and its pointless to just keep buying when you have food that is just hanging around for MONTHS. I am saving money by not shopping but it is turning out to be at my expense because i am ALWAYS hungry and all i have left is like BIG MEAL type foods. I made Bacon breakfast burros the other day to get rid of my bacon and hashbrowns. I, of course, had a ruff start and made the smoke detector go off trying to cook the hashbrowns. I had to laugh when Leslie ran down the stairs and i just yelled out, "don't worry, i am cooking again." i eventually got it okay but all the same. Here are two photos of my pantry. the first picture shows my area of the pantry on top (no food) and then Leslie's area of the pantry which is packed with food. The second picture is just a close up of my area. When all of my food is gone...THEN, i will go grocery shopping. If you are wondering how Leslie and i came to the decison of who got the top part of the pantry and who had to bend down for the bottom half well wonder no more...it is purely a heighth thing. I am 5'9" and Leslie is 5'2" and a HALF. anyways, here are the pics:

Mansfield Park

2008-10-19T17:15:00.000-07:00

So, i decided i would write my end of the semester literature dissertation on Jane Austen's collective works. That is 6 novels and 1 letter compliation. Pretty much the last step in the Journalism/Euro-Ameri Literature dream. I conquered Sense and Sensibility and Pride and Prejudice. I thought Sense and Sensibility was a bit slow at first but once everything came full circle it was so exciting! Pride and Prejudice has always been a favorite of mine so i breezed through it in about 2.5 days while i was in Utah. The third book in the order and Jane Austen's 3rd published book was Mansfield Park. On my way to Utah i sat next to a literature professor from BYU. Her daughter at just given birth to a baby and she had been in Arizona for a week...she hated the heat she said! She said it was a welcome break to talk literature with someone because her daughter and husband weren't big readers. She told me that Mansfield Park was her least favorite Austen. GREAT!!! I started Mansfield Park on October 6...it is now...October 19. It has been a long time (since the Leo Tolstoy's War and Peace days) that it has taken me longer then a week to read a book. I know...i know...some people are probably saying it takes them months to read a book. The thing is...i got nothing but time on my hands to read books with my long-long breaks at work.

Anyways, i started reading Mansfield Park. It was so...BLAH. Granted, it was still good. Just after Pride and Prejudice i wasn't really up to reading about a weaker female character. Though as the book went on i started to find a strong love for the main character Fanny Price. The more i read the more i started to relate to Fanny and her life. I was down to 35 pages last night at work. I should have had that done so fast but i couldnt concentrate on the finish. i knew how it would end but i didn't know how Austen would bring it all to an end in 35 pages. the ending was so far fetched it wa hard to really believe it happened but it was exciting. Almost at the end of shift Officer Thomas called me to see what i was up to and i told him that i was stressing over the finish of my book. I have been bringing in this HUGE book to work every day and the other officers call it the bible and are always like, "KP, what does the bible say today?" (at work as of late i have ceased to be called Ofc. Perez or Perez and just...KP) so they know i am trying to read the books. Thomas asked me to explain the book and after i did it just revamped me to finish it all out. As it turned out Mansfield Park became my #2 favorite Austen out of the 3 i have read.

I have decided, for my minds sake, that i would take a break from the last 4 Austen works to read something else for fun. Although i love the Jane Austen books, living in their worlds can be difficult and frustrating for someone as open minded as myself. Next up is The Hunger Games by Suzzane Collins. My friend Tiffanie Eilers and i went book shopping for my birthday and both bought this book to read. She has already finished it and said that this was AMAZING and she couldnt put it down. So, as soon as i finish this post i am going to start reading The Hunger Games. I suggest others to read as well. Stephenie Meyer, the beloved writer of the Twilight series, said on her website that this was a book she just couldn't put down.

You know...i had a thought. Do i read too much?

September 19, 1994

2008-10-17T17:08:00.000-07:00

On 9/14/94 i was 7 years old. At the time i didn't care too much about anything but playing sports and reading my books. I didn't watch much tv but on this particular day i sat down at the tv with my mom, kent, kelly. Times where much simpler then. I was naive. I was young. As i sat around with my family we watched for the very first time EVER a brand new show that was premiering on NBC...the show was was called ER and it was breathtaking. From that day in September i continued to grow. I turned 8 and was baptized. I found a love for basketball. I found out i had epilepsy and i realized that i had no rest but only turmoil. in jr high i kissed my first boy...i developed my first long drawn out story line. I found a love for writing and reading like i never knew before. i started high school. i grew and i grew. i played sports...i fell in love with music...i developed a love for the military and a respect for my father's military career. All the while...i continued to watch ER on tv. I left for college. i changed...i grew up. The gates of death have been shown to me and i have comprehended the vast expansness of the earth. Now...15 years later...i am 22 years old. A few weeks ago marked the 15th season of ER...and the FINAL SEASON of ER. ER has been my constant these past 15 years. Through character changes and faulty story lines i have stayed loyal. Each episode i watch becomes more and more emotional as it draws near the end. Even though i know this is show has entered syndication on TNT i cant help but still miss it as it grows and changes. It makes me wonder the timeline of our constants. Makes me realize that something is changing...maybe we all are...in a bigger way then we realize.

it is MY skin.

2008-10-13T20:39:00.001-07:00

i am in this funny stage in my life right now. i am achieving alot at work and academically. I am healthy. I am learning. I am moving forward. I AM HAPPY. I love my family. I love my friends. I may not love my job but i very much so like what i do and where i am. i may not be making the choices some of my family and friends wanted me to be making but i am happy and i am STILL living right. i have always been a black sheep of my family. I have chosen to express myself through my writing, my drawings, my music, and my silence. I think abstractly and i live deeply. i would rather sit at home and read a book then go out and party. i have always been very much so a solitary person. this is just a layer of me. this is who i am. What people see on the outside is my skin. As i get older my skin will grow with me. Because i am ME and not someone else i will always choose to live how i want to. There are some things i will always want to remember. There are things that even when i am 80 i will want to carry with me. I love where i am. i love where i live. I love Arizona.

Let me be happy.

winter changes

2008-10-12T16:14:00.000-07:00

The weather outside has gotten chillier. It happened so fast and over night. i remember stepping into work and it was warm outside and when i came out it was so cold! i was so stoked and the best part is it has only gotten chillier!

As a result Les and I are opening our windows and shutting the air conditioner off. The only problem is i still need to sleep during the day and with the window open and the air pushing through my window it whips my blinds everywhere. at first i was tolerating it because i was reading and then finally i snapped and tried to open my blinds a little but the sun was shooting all over my room. There was just no middle ground with my blinds. I was trying to be lights out by 8am and it was drawing near that time.

I remember from my last apartment i had my black curtains. I went through my closet until i found the curtains and i didnt have the time to hang up the rods and string the curtains on so i grabbed some thumbtacks and tacked my curtains on. After i had it all set up i stood back and realized just how tacky it really was. Here is a photo of what the curtains looked like this morning and still do now:

As tacky as it looks...it worked!

court control officer.

2008-10-07T17:46:00.001-07:00

Last night i spent 8 hours in the equivilent of my line of works desk job. I thought i was going to die of boredom. I basically was suppose to sit at a desk, recorded a few things in a log book, watched monitors, hand out gun locker keys to outside law enforcement agencies, do welfare checks on officers over the radio, and serve as security and protection to the bonds and fines area of the jail. Which, what it really came down to in the end was i read alot, slept alot, and did welfare checks over the radio. A few people came ot visit me and at about 445 an officer came and gave me a break even though i didnt ask for one and i walked around. I snapped a few pics on my phone to record the night.

This was where i sat for the night. we had NO a/c so that little fan was a little bit of a life saver for me.

snapped at about midnight...you can see the boredom in my face.

what i did pretty much all night.

the view from a chair i was sitting in. i used the chair to prop the door open to get some cold air in the room to cool us all down.

this dude was funny. he came on at 530am and he spent a majority getting is station all set up. At 610am he was done. There was NOBODY in the lobby and he sat just like this for nearly 15 minutes without moving until someone came into bonds and fines.

snapped at about 5am...no change. just really sleepy!

So, that was my night. tonight is my "friday" at work and i pray that i end up somewhere more interesting.

pewtah.

2008-10-06T18:59:00.000-07:00

i took a trip to utah this past weekend to visit kent and tahnee and my various other arizona freinds who have relocated to utah or as i call it...pewtah. It just so happened to fall on conference weekend so instead of spending most of my time in provo and suffering through the byu atmosphere i was blessed to parade mostly around salt lake city which just so happens to be my roommate Leslie's old stomping grounds. The last time i was in utah i didn't know Leslie...so utah was just pewtah to me and although that hasn't changed it has now become, 'Pewtah; the place where tahnee and kent live and where Leslie used to live.' I havent uploaded any of my pictures yet from the trip but i wanted to post a few pictures from off my camera phone of the adventure. here is a SHORT photo blog of my trip to pewtah.

before i even got on my plane i had to snap a pic of the airplanes...the "hairplanes"...i LOVE watching them take off.

from my seat on the airplane. i always get quite a bit of nerves watching the bags get loaded on. i always want to see my bag to make sure it gets put on but it never happens. my nerves really get to me. you would think the flying part would but its the part when i dont see my bag that really does! Silly me!

we watched most of our sessions in the joseph smith memorial. i had to get a kick about this because of all the jokes i made on the way to the airport with Leslie. this is really a beautiful building though. plus...i had a plast riding around in that door. we usually got as many people in one door as we could and would constantly get it stuck

this is this BEAUTIFUL chandelier that they have hanging in the middle of the JSM Building. I kept thinking...this is what a room in Pemberley must look like. I have been reading waaayyyyy too much Jane Austen. I finished Pride and Prejudice in Utah and just started Mansfield Park.

It is dreadfully hard to see but this is a picture of kent sleeping. i snapped this during the last session. It was just such a long weekend and we were so tired by the end of it all that it was VERY common for one...or all of us to be asleep.

I snapped this picture of the SLC temple on sunday. isn't it beautiful!?!?! it was so peaceful and perfect on the grounds sunday. it rained all day saturday but it was still super nice.

so, the story with this picture is Tahnee said to me while we were out to eat..."katie, grab some mints"...i was wearing my eskimo hoodie with HUGE pockets so when the hostess turned around i grabbed 2 HUGE handfuls of mints and some toothpicks and stuffed 'em in my hoodie pocket. When we got out of the resteraunt Tahnee asked me if i grabbed her any mints and out came all of my mints...we laughed soooo hard.

all in all it was a pretty legit trip. although i miss my friends and brother i wouldnt ever move there. i love arizona too much. A little too much church all at once too...i need to be eased back...not SUBMERGED. i learned alot and enjoyed hearing the general authorities and of course Elder Bednar who never ceases to amaze me and really draw me in. I miss being with my friends right now though and i am sad that i have to go back to work tonight. i had 9 days off of work and i expect tonight to be a challenge for me. the return is always worse. there will be more pictures later but my Jane Austen bok is calling for me.

22

2008-10-03T11:22:00.000-07:00

So, i won't lie...today has been the best birthday. there is something nice about not being 21 anymore. i don't feel so young. people wont say to me anymore:

"you're 21, you must be out drinking alot..."

Or some ridiculous variation of that. I feel more grown up being 22. i am moving into a whole new stage in life. i love how positive i have become and how i am finally learning to live in the moment and worry about the future later. i am focused on being happy right now.

this has just been a good day and its not even noon yet. when i turned 22 at 331am Leslie and I did cake and sparkling cider and then when i walked upstairs she had presents and balloons laid out for me! this has been 2 birthdays in a row when Les has gone far beyond what a friend would do and really was so awesome to me! I love my best friend!

From the moment on it has been an awesome day and i even got an early AM phone call from kelly and the boys with them singing happy birthday to me.

yes...i love being 22. it's a new age and a new phase in my life.

I AM 22!!!

it's been a hell of a day

2008-09-30T17:17:00.000-07:00

Today started off pretty normal. I woke up, i watched a little tv, i read a little bit, and i ate a pomegranite. I decided I wanted to make Monkey Bread and i was missing half of the ingredients so i ran to Fry's right by my home to grab them. I was in and out. I went to pull out and i was all the way out of my spot about to put my car in drive when a HUGE silver truck decided to back into my car. My PRECIOUS Mazda 3 which was the first car i EVER purchased! The lady didn't even say sorry for backing into my car or anything. She just went into her car and got her insurance information and gave me everything i needed. Not a sorry, or an apology, or ANYTHING. She hits my car and NOTHING. i was so angry. This car is my baby and she defiled it! I hate people like this...rude people. Anyways, it just has me in such a foul mood. i am so very angry right now and i didn't know what to do to get my anger out so i cooked. I baked monkey bread and cornbread and right now i am slow cooking beef stew with vegetables and seasoned potatoes. Leslie was sort of impressed or maybe shocked that this is what i do when i get mad like this. I am trying to calm myself down a little bit and all of a sudden the lyrics to my FAVORITE song popped into my head.

My favorite song is by Jack's Mannequin. It is called 'Katie.' How fitting right? Anyways, the lyrics came into my head and just kept replaying over and over and over again. It hasn't quite made me from stop being angry but it has calmed me down considerably. The song has helped. I want to share the song and a link to the actual video of Andrew singing this song. Here are the lyrics:

Katie you're a brave girl, and I know its only just started. I'm gonna be there at 6, with some flowers on sticks that were clipped just to make the weak strong. And Katie, its a strange world when girls can get so broken hearted. If it were me and the universe, I'd get the worst of this gone.

Katie, Katie I'm sorry that in your condition the sunshine's been missing but Katie, don't believe that it isn't there. Oh and Katie, Katie be happy this world can be ugly, but isn't it beautiful? We're not really here, and we're really not there, we're really not there.

Katie you're a brave girl and courage is something I'll need now. 'Cause its been a hell of a day I've spent fading away. We all fade sometimes, I believe and Katie its a strange world as I watch the tables get turned around and you've got the strength that I've lost in a thought that would carry me.

And Katie, Katie I'm sorry that in your condition the sunshine's been missing but Katie, don't believe that it isn't there. Oh and Katie, Katie be happy this world can be ugly, but isn't it beautiful? We're not really here, and i'm really not there.

Whoa Whoa.

And it's not the end of the world, it's not the end of the world, it's not the end of the world, 'Cause the cops wouldn't break up this party.

And Katie, Katie I'm sorry that in your condition the sunshine's been missing but Katie, don't believe that it isn't there. Oh and Katie, Katie be happy. This world can be ugly, but isn't it beautiful? We're not really here, and we're really not there.

Oh Katie, Katie I'm sorry that in my condition your sunshine's been missing but Katie, don't believe that it isn't there. Oh Katie, Katie be happy This world can be ugly but isn't it beautiful? We're not really here, and we're really not there. We're really not there, We're really not there.

Katie, you're a brave girl, and I know its only just started.

I just LOVE that song. it is a good reminder that even though the world is ugly for me right now i still think this world is a beautiful place. i just need to remember that right now. Here is a link to Andrew singing the song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JYFqrndOif8&feature=related

what i do and why i do it.

2008-09-27T16:21:00.000-07:00

At Michelle's wedding i bumped into alot of people who kept asking me why i risked my life 5 nights a week at my job. How is it that i can, every night, stop being Katie Perez and suddenly become Officer Perez. In 5 months i will have worked for the Maricopa County Sheriff's Office for 2 years. I don't think i have stuck with something for that long in quite some time.

I've worked so many places with MCSO and seen so many things. I've been seriously assaulted. I've seen my partners and friends get assaulted. I've seen the victims of assault. I've seen those who were just so fed up with being assaulted that they snapped...and they killed. I have looked into the eyes of the Baseline Killer. I spent a whole night talking to a man who helped the Italian Mafia turn their illegitimate money into legitimate money...they would kill to have him back. I have talked to a cop killer...many of them. I even told DMX to be quiet.

I have worked with juveniles being charged as adults and women and men of all kinds. I have seen good officers fall and bad officers continue on.

I wear a stab vest and i dress in black. It hasn't always been like this. Not so long ago my unifrom was sufficient enough:
Now, it's a whole different job. Serial killers...check. Cop Killers...check. Insane criminals...check. Psychopaths beyond verbal description...double check. Now, i wear this around for a little added protection:

How do i do it and why do i do it?

I do it because it makes me feel better about who i am. Just knowing that i was brought up to choose the right and to choose better then that. There is a certain thrill to what i do. Never knowing what each day will bring. I love the unpredictability of my job. People are unpredictable. I like that sometimes.

I've grown so much since i got this job. Through the Academy...through Estrella...through 4th avenue...i have grown into myself a little more. I am more aware of myself and my surroundings in a way i have never been before. I like that. I have met some of the best friends in my job and am closer to these people then people i have spent my whole life with. What i do...it's a good thing. It's risky...but it's nice.

For a little more on what i do:

http://www.mcso.org/

photo trip to tucson.

2008-09-25T09:47:00.000-07:00

So, my trip with Craigy was wednesday. Our plan was to go to Tortilla Flat and to Goldfield ghost town. Before we even got on the 51 we had a change of heart. Very spontaneous...Craig said something about Tucson and i said...let's go. so we went. Just like that. Our destination almost changed a billion times. There was talk about just going to Mexico, El Paso, and San Diego but the number of hours spent in the car got to us and we just kept going to Tucson. I thought with not getting very much sleep the day before i would be all quiet but i talked pretty much the whole trip. It was a beautiful trip with the mountains all around us and it was even more cool for me because the area we were driving in was the EXACT setting of The Host by Stephenie Meyer. It was awesome. We had nothing but open roads as we were driving too. Once we got to Tucson we didn't have a plan so it wasn't like we knew where we were going. We saw some signs along the way and low and behold...we saw signs for the Pima Air and Space Museum. I thought that I had never been there before but when we got to the gate it all started to come back to me. Forever ago we took a trip to the lower parts of Arizona and we went to the Titan Missle Museum and the Pima Air and Space Museum. I was younger and i remember the museum but it wasnt my favorite because i didnt understand. Turned out the whole trip was awesome. We visited the museum, saw where big planes go to die, and saw the air force base...from afar. It was restricted. We stopped and got dinner at This chineese resteraunt and while we were there i started to lose my mind and was laughing and saying some silly things. But we were laughing sooo much. We listened to ALOT of music and we talked alot about...everything. It was an awesome trip. Here are a FEW of the pictures i took:

This was the one thing i remembered about my FIRST trip to the museum...it was awesome to be able to touch what JFK touched and be where he was.

Taking a picture from an airplane.

A picture off the side of Air Force One.

Sitting in the cockpit.

Where airplanes go to die.

Craigy "Carlos" Wendt

What a trip! Next up is Jerome/Sedona! A few songs from our trip were In Spite of Ourselves and Danny's Song which you can find in my music player at the bottom of my blog.

The Jane Austen Book Club

2008-09-22T10:06:00.000-07:00

So, Cox has this new setting now called ON DEMAND. Basically, free movies and awesome shows at the tip of your finger. Very legit and most convenient if say you go to Starz and you say...oh i have always wanted to watch this movie but there is only 23 minutes left in the movie. Well, if you go to ON DEMAND and go to Starz ON DEMAND you can watch that movie from the beginning. One of the movies i have ALWAYS wanted to see but never had the chance was The Jane Austen Book Club. When i finally got to see it i fell in LOVE with it. Just what i needed...another movie about books! I loved it so much and then this boy showed it to me and i fell in love with it even more. Now, whenever i have the need to be creative i watch this movie. Only problem is i watch it just about every day. I sort of wished i owned the movie because it wont be on STARZ on demand forever. Hmm...maybe if i get birthday money i will finally order it off of Amazon. If you haven't seen this movie, you should. It's just awesome. Plus, if you are a book lover it is fascinating to hear them talk books and equally legit because the acting is awesome and the women in the movie are hillarious. I give this movie my full approval. Now, if my cable would stop being stupid i would watch it before bed time!

bookmarks.

2008-09-21T10:38:00.000-07:00

So, i have been having a really hard time sleeping as of late and a few days ago i was rolling around quite alot. Finally, i just couldnt take it. i needed to do something to keep busy.

Leslie and I have been reading alot of books lately, or maybe that is just what it seems like to me...anyways, i made she and i some bookmarks. Not just any bookmarks though. I made some of those hardcore creative ones with construction paper, magazine cutouts, and rubber cement. I think they are kind of cute too. i get such a laugh out of them everytime i see them:

i showed a few of my work friends and they all got a kick out of them. Craigy, in particular, said that he thought it was funny that i made myself look like a white girl with dreds. Oh Craigy!

Which, i am getting pretty excited for this photo trip Craig and i are taking on wednesday. Finally, a chance to be creative with my pictures again. I love hanging out with Craigy. He is a friend who asks deep life questions, listens passionatly, and laughs greatly. Craig teaches me to live it all. The doubt, the desire, the overwhelming aches of life. Because you feel so deeply is good---it is real. i don't have very many friends who dive that deep...i always feel better afer talking to him.

I bought the Jane Austen book of complete novels. i was going to ask for it for my birthday but i couldn't wait. i finished the fiction class and i just wanted to finally conquer these books so i actually waited in my car after work until Border's opened up. i knew if i went home i would fall asleep and i wouldnt have anything to read tonight at work and i would regret not sitting in my car baking just waiting for Border's to open. I was the first person in that store...i walked right to the back of the store in the fiction area and i picked up the book and bought the book 5 minutes after they opened at 9am. I came home and watched The Jane Austen's Book Club for a little extra motivation and now i think i will read the first chapter of sense and sensibility and finally crash.

I Love reading and i LOVE books!!!

tagged.

2008-09-17T10:46:00.000-07:00

I have to be grateful to Meagan right now who gave me something to do while i am trying to kill time before my designated nap time on my first day off...yay (to the day off)!!!

A. Attached or single? attached to myself.
B. Best friend? Leslie.Tahnee.Danny.Craigy.
C. Cake or Pie? Cake.
D. Day of Choice? Thursday.
E. Essential item? a book.
F. Favorite color? Red.
G. Gummy bears or worms? Worms...i play too much with the bears.
H. Hometown? Gilbert...the 48bro.
I. Indulgence? chocolate covered strawberries. i just made myself some this morning.
J. January or July? January.
K. Kids? is a pretty good song by MGMT...you can hear it on my playlist placed neatly at the bottom. I'm listening to it now...doot...doot.
L. Life isn't complete without? a good book, a warm blanket, a long rain storm, and good music.
M. Marriage date? i tried to come up with a sarcastic answer but how can you sarcastically say...not yet?
N. Number of brothers and sisters? 9 sister, 4 brothers, 7 brother-in-laws and 1 sister-in-law
P. Phobias? i don't really have any. if i get freaked out...wait...kidding...eff'n spiders...i HATE spiders with a passion...even the baby ones.
O. Oranges or apples? Apples...after a while oranges start to make me not feel so good.
Q. Quotes? "Blank is sooooo blank" -she knows who she is...
R. Reasons to smile? My craft project i am about to work on...
S. Season of Choice? Winter.
T. Tag some peeps:
1. Dallin Stokes
2. Callie.
U. Unknown fact about me? i read 38 books in the 3.5 months i lived in Montana.
V. Vegetable? Carrot.
W. Worst habit? Just about everything i do.
X. X-ray or Ultrasound? X-Ray is more comfortable.
Y. Your favorite food? french fries.
Z. Zodiac sign? Libra.

today, i am going bowling! for some reason i am really excited! Last night at work i had to explain to 3 very unusual people about miguel and i breaking up. I didn't even know they knew but...i guess they did. it was awkward. oh...and a boy gave me flowers...that was really weird! He isn't even a boy...he is 27...it was still weird but the flowers were pretty!

Tattoo.

2008-09-14T20:05:00.000-07:00

OKAY!

If you didn't know well then now you know. I just figured that since it has been well over a year and nearing the two year mark that people knew by now. I, Katie Elena Perez, have a tattoo. I got it in March of 2007 on a trip to California. I have had it for so long that it has just become a part of who i am. I am not ashamed of it nor am i ashamed of getting the tattoo. I got the look from a few people but this is my body and i choose to do whatever i wish to it...TASTEFULLY.

I had a nephew who passed away in December of '06. I took this prtty hard. It had been a long time since i had someone who i loved that much pass away. I was a pretty big mess. All of it came at the same time of my back being split open so it was like double the pain. When i was in California visiting Danny i was with him and his now soon to be ex-wife at a tattoo parlor. Danny and i always joked about us two getting tattoo's when we "grew up". He took the plunge first and

he convinced me to follow suit. Not knowing what to get it just hit me that i should get a tattoo in honor of my nephew Hunter Allen Erickson. No ordinary design could touch my body and nothing i saw was good enough. So, i designed it myself. I just HAD to be different too and i made it one of my famous stick figures. On the top it has the day he was born and at the bottom it has the day he passed away. In the middle of his shirt it has his initials HAE. When i gave the design to the tattoo artist he looked at me like i was crazy for wanting this particular design but i said..."just do it." at first they weren't going to be able to do it due to the small lettering but they found all the proper tools after a small search. They wanted me to redesign the tat but i told them i wanted it just like this. I told them Hunter's story and they kept right on searching. I had to do some covert research to make sure i got the information right but once it all checked out...it was go time. After i got it i didnt know who i would tell or how anyone would take it. So, i told girls in my Academy class who would later turn out to be my best friends...J and Leslie. Now, just about everyone knows. Even my mom! I am not ashamed of my tattoo or what people have to say about it. This is how i choose to pay respect to a boy who i love.

With that in mind...

Kelly getting her tat has started that itch going for me again. i know that more then likely i will not be getting a tattoo but still!!! One day at work i was sitting in the office and my partner and i were watching some inmates fold clothes and one of the inmates saw me drawing. "Perez, what are you drawing?" i showed him a design that i had been working on for quite some time for a POSSIBLE next tattoo. He says to me...i can make that look even better. so i gave the inmate a sheet of printer paper and a golf pencil and let him go to work while his partner folded clothes. About 10 minutes later he gave me this:

i know it is kind of hard to see...but basically it is a stick figure on a drawn sheet of lined paper and a pen that is drawing it. When i told him to draw the design he didnt just stop at the stick figure he did the whole drawing...the pen...the paper...it has shading and EVERYTHING. If i decide to live on the edge again...this plus some extra desgins on it will be my next tattoo. My partner that night used to work for D.O.C and showed me his prisoner designed tattoo and a few other officers i work with at 4th Avenue showed me their inmate designed tattoo's as well that night. For as long as i have the itch this will be the next tattoo i get but as soon as the itch passes i will stick this in the 'maybe later' pile.

And again...if you didn't know about the tattoo well then now you know. It's okay to ask to see it now too. I don't have a problem with lifting my shirt HAHAHA.

chao!

ps: it's on my hip!

Wal-Mart

2008-09-14T19:37:00.000-07:00

So, I went to Wal-Mart yesterday to find my rubber cement and construction paper. I knew that if I was ever going to get this done I HAD to go right after work. I also went and bought some peaches while they were still in season and still cheap. I am ready for pomegranates already…that is my favorite fruit of any season but peaches fall a close second. Anyways, as I was headed to the office supply section of Wal-Mart I decided to call Karla Carcamo who was an officer I worked with at Estrella. There were only a few people at Estrella who knew about my love life when i was dating Miguel. I needed to tell all of those people so they didn’t go asking him about me…it happens (to clarify how that would happen...Miguel is their Sergeant). So I called Karla aka Carcamo and we chatted and I usually enjoy talking to her because #1 she is my loudest friend and #2…it’s always refreshing to hear a Mormon swear. I caught her up on everything and as usual it took like 20 minutes to tell the story because my ADHD throws me off our conversation often. I probably could have been clearer with her but I was so confused by the Wal-Mart set up.

What happened to the easy to find sections of this place?

FACT: the purple glue sticks may go on purple but they don’t dry clear (according to Karla)

On my way to the entertainment aisle to purchase Baby Mamma for me and Les…there it was!!! THE RUBBER CEMENT! I was so excited. I may have thrown out some profanities and threw the glue sticks in a random bin and grabbed 2 jars of rubber cement. While I was in the REAL grown up glue section I discovered spray on glue in like an aerosol can form…so rad! There was this sticky pen junk that would have made the super glue predicament so much better and some glue lifter junk. It was awesome. It restored my faith in glue. I remember growing up how I used to put glue on my entire hand and let it dry (I used to do it ALL THE TIME…and I’m not ashamed of it). Once I got to that point I headed back to the movie section and was finally able to really tell Karla the whole story of the parting and friends in spirit thing.

I guess right now I am just amazed by the impossibilities of finding products I need now in Wal-Mart. Excellent customer service but still…set up…it’s all wrong.

Wal-Mart…work on that for me please.

apparently, i love change.

2008-09-12T20:02:00.000-07:00

So, apparently i couldn't keep my blog devoted to my book! I am constantly changing everything to fit how i feel in the moment. My computer is broken...rather the adapter cord is broken for my prehistoric laptop. Attempts were made to order a new cord but they sent the wrong equipment and i had to send it all back. Now, i am using Leslie's computer to make it through my day to day life. Not that i necessarily NEED the computer but it helps passes the time until i have to go to work. I needed to go to Staples today to by some construction paper and rubber cement for my craft project. Of course i woke up later then i wanted to and when i woke up...i was lazy. With me it is like hit and miss...once second i am motivated to take over the world...at least run it...and the next moment...i don't want to get off of my couch.

Wait...go back. Katie? Craft project? Huh? I know right? I am not as crafty as most human beings in the world but i am creative and i am an excelling writer. So why not mix the two things together right? Well, i am FINALLY mixing my talents. I was assigned the book The Fiction Class by Susan Breen. Inside, the character has wrting assignments for her class. I am suppose to do those writing assignments...wait...wait. First of all i was told, "you will know when you need to write"...i was like...seriously...help me out. 26 pages in i figured it out...on my own! So the next part was we need to write down in a notebook these assignments BUT the notebook needs to be to OUR personality. Right! I can do that...throw some chaoticness (i don't believe that is a word) on paper. Slam I AM... somewhere on the page and call it a front cover. Pretty much what i did...not quite done but i am getting there. The inside is much-much more crafty/creative/messy. I was using super glue but my fingers would stick to the pages and i ended up with like half an inch of super glue and paper stuck to my hand. That is the messy part of it all. I was watching tv at like 430am in the morning and i saw a commercial for rubber cement...so now i need to by some and try that. Construction paper which i havent used since i was in elementary will be used for some borders andback of the page color to cover the mess i made! Thank You Sabrina Ward Harris for that idea. She is a genious. I have a billion sisters and the Benard side of my sisters are all crafty...if i didn't live all the way out in the Biltmore (moving on up!) i would have asked them for rubber cement and construction paper. they have kids...they do crafts...doesn't that mean they should have those items? As much as i don't want to ever become cliche...alot of my life is.

The following picture is of The Fiction Class by Susan Breen and then my messy notebook. Notice in the top left hand corner...it says I AM... i will get to this part in a moment. i thought about showign some of the inside stuff off but i have 2...3 entries and one has a picture of Adolf Hitler on it. I don't want to introduce this with his picture displayed (why?). I will admit now that i own a copy of the communist manifesto by Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels and Mein Kampf by Adolf Hitler. This does not make me a communist...#1-i love America and unlike Michelle Obama i have been proud of my country since the day i was born (minus Bill and Monica in the Oval Office) and #2-i don't think Hitler would like me very much. I am proud of my olive skin and i don't believe in superior races or believing in your political leaders religion...duh! I have always had a weird obsession with Nazi Germany and Communism (russia, germany, france, italy...back in the day). Needless to say, i will introduce my project when i have the construction paper attached.

Now onto...I AM...

Every year i pick a theme to get me through the year. My theme can be a motivational speech everytime i read it and a reason to keep going through the mundane tasks of the day. On Jon and Kate plus 8, Kate says her's is just, "i will make it through this day"...she says it on just about every episode. I have felt bad for my sister's and all of their kids before but i feel 100% different for Kate and i don't even know her. People with children...young tots...Jon and Kate plus 8 on TLC...watch it! So, my theme this year is I AM. I AM Katie Elena Perez. I AM a writer. I AM Mormon. I AM growing up. I AM becoming who i should be. I AM...that is my theme and I AM can be taken in so many ways. when i am down...I AM stronger then this. you know...stuff like that. Last year it was IT IS WHAT IT IS...that has been reaccuring actually. The years i struggled alot that was my theme but this year I AM BETTER THEN THAT. (by the way the picture is of Jon and Kate plus 8...2 twins and sixtuplets...yikes!)

Anyways, moral of the story is i like to change alot. Like...change my dating status. Miguel and I went our seperate ways. I decided it just wasn't the right time and it didn't feel right for me anymore so we have remained friends and will continue with our lives not exactly side by side. It is for the better.

Look at the time...908pm...time to start gettign ready for work. Remember, when you can't sleep at 430am...you are not the only one awake...i usually am and it is usually because i am working. There is alarm #1...time to get moving. When alarm #2 goes off...that means...move faster.

chao!

broken update

2008-08-23T18:59:00.000-07:00

such a game...im still broken.

pins are out but red casts are in...thank the lord!

i just returned from Vegas and learned a few valuable lessons about life while i was there!

turns out i might be better at swinging then relationships after all!!!

"maybe you should find a girl who cares about herself and not the bottom of the bottle"

Leslie got engaged!!! i couldn't be happier for her! i just can't wait to start planning the bachlorette party for her and to help her with the wedding planning! they aren't talking until next fall but it doesnt hurt to start planning now or at least WISHING for things! i'm trying to brainstorm a really good engagement present to give them. if you have ideas, let me know!

i have been on modified at work and i have run out of things to do so i am going to bring my outline to work. i dont really hurt anymore i just need to get rid of the aches and pains. i'm tired of desk type jobs though and cant wait until i can be back on the floor working. gettin' a little cabin fever! this will be an EXCELLENT opportunity to work on my story!

oh and...

if you havent seen MAMMA MIA you need to see it! Meryl Streep is fantastic and Amanda Seyfried is an AMAZING singer!!! It's funny to think that she got her start with her boobs predicting the weather!

an unexpected BREAK

2008-08-08T13:49:00.000-07:00

so things were going really good. i had all but finished my outline and i had already submitted packets from a few publishing companies when i was forced into a nice break.

damage to the right hand...my writing hand...that will do the trick. i am hoping that my broken knuckles heal and the fractured split underneath it will heal...quickly. for the time being i am all wrapped up and need to take a break...such a game!

i'm only using one hand now which means...this was time consuming. Oh well...

best laid plans often go to waste...

And so it begins...

2008-08-06T08:57:00.000-07:00

So, i am switching my blog up a little. i became intensly focused on my book yesterday. I don't know what it was that suddenly hit me. I became aware that i am 21 years old and I want to be a succsesful writer while I am still young. I have this intense story that for some time...for a long time i have known just what i would write about it. I drew up a rough draft...i'm typing the outline as i type this (okay, so really i've been caught on a break). I have my musical insperations while mostly falls along the lines of Sea Wolf and a little bit of Chris Garneau. I'm motivated.

This outline is taking longer then i thought to get typed up. It's frustrating. I work so hard and i come home and i am exhausted. Seems like most of my writing is taking place when i get off of work. When i take my work to work i often get side tracked with the on goings around me and my project always gets pushed off to the side and more then likely ends up with Mountain Dew spilled on it. This outline is so hard to get through because of how much i outlined. I didn't even do a complete outline. it is mostly scattered thoughts that i am having to pick through so i can organize it and place it in chronological order. i write just as disorganized as my life is...go figure.

for those who i never floated my book by or a request...now is your chance. Basically, i have compiled all the sad stories or intense life stories from the lives of my friends and then I meshed it all together and formed one single story who will represent the untold stories of my friends lives. One persons journey and struggle through a life full of intense sorrow and his battle to succeed and experience life. I'm still very much open to stories from my friends to put into the book. if you have some...speak before its too late.

i will update again very soon!

she spins and she sways...

2008-06-29T20:02:00.000-07:00

so meagan got married yesterday. it was fabulous. it was so nice just to dress up and see all the people i havent seen in ages. it was a beautiful day.

even lica's wedding the saturday before. it was nice to see one of my olders sisters settle down a little and find someone too.

on to the next wedding...my eldest sister connie is getting married for the first time and i am...a brides maid. i actually picked up my bridesmaid dress for her wedding in between events for meagan's. i am looking forward for connie's ceremony. a big mexican wedding. i am having everyone i know get time off of work so they can see me in my little hoochie dress!

so many weddings...a lot of people asked me yesterday when it was my turn and i just kept saying, "no time soon". i wasn't even wishing it was my time yesterday. the whole day just made me glad that i don't desire the wedding thing for another few years. i think that comes to some relief to my parents as well. this put a good size dent in their pockets too. i did cry a little when meagan left. my barely younger then me sister is grown up and married. i'm proud of her.

i am planning a trip to vegas in august with miguel and some other couples. i think my main goal is to get miguel on a decent coaster and let him play some poker with real people instead of on the internet.

things are going good with him by the way. i like that things are moving slow...everything is very unnoficial. i like that.

sometimes when everything you both do at work is very offical; unoffical can be legit.

he is taking a alot of very random days off for us to do things together. he has only really been to 3 places in all 27 years of his life...mexico, california, and arizona...i plan on changing all of that real soon. new mexico and nevada is coming soon. we have some hiking adventures coming soon and a few more youthful adventures.

i went to the river with leslie and tahnee the other day...my 2 best friends. it was amazing. we all got fried and now none of us can REALLY move. tahnee is moving to utah in 7 days i believe...i am going to miss her sooooo much its not even funny.

living with leslie is going awesome! i love living with my best friend. its nice when i need to talk we can just come and sit on each others beds and chat. i still dont see her as much as i want to but maybe we can change all of that.

here is a picture of kent and i at the luncheon yesterday...notice the sunburn and how my chest is two toned please!:

writing.

2008-06-05T11:54:00.000-07:00

it's june 5...i think. my days run together these days. i labeled june as my writing month. you know, focus solely on my writing and get some ideas in my head down on paper. i have been planning this month for months. i had an outline all prepared and ideas and everything set.

5 days into june and this is just about the most writing i have done. instead i have chosen to watch movies and tv and throw myself into work until my body aches and i have been reading books from other authors who sat down and write and i read and think...i hope my novel is this good.

whats the motto of the lotto? you have to be in it to win it. well i need to write to have my great american novel. in it to win it.

its my day off. i woke up at 730am and it is now noon and i have not left the couch except to make popcorn and drink milk.

i should be writing.

i should be sitting at mine and leslie's new table in our apartment/townhome writing like crazy or sketching a rough draft. drawing up character quotes or listening to music that reminds me of the story. sea wolf...its always been sea wolf and i havent listened to them for so long. instead i am listening to joanna newsome right now creeping myself out at the sound of her voice.

i almost erased my ideas playlist on my ipod today to make room for other music.

have i given up?

there is so much talk about me writing the next great american novel and how am i suppose to write that when i am not writing?

its time.

"single" life

2008-05-22T20:29:00.000-07:00

why the eff is "single" better then being with someone?

i HATE that being in relationships has become such a chore for me and that i feel better being in "single" mode then in "dating" mode.

it's like things are going great and then...

BRICK WALL.

hmmm...

someday maybe all will run smoothly.

someday.

but not now.

quick update.

2008-05-21T02:50:00.000-07:00

so a real quick update because ALOT has happened since my last post...

i moved today.

i am so sore from climbing up and down stairs. if i knew this townhome would make me so sore i would have reevaluated the whole move in here. plus there was so much drama with this place today...so lame. but now leslie and i are in here and we LOVE it.

i got transfered which means #1 i dont have to work with female inmates i am now full on with the male inmates...with the baby touchers...gross! #2...i can now freely date Miguel.

openly? not quite yet. all the important people know about him but work wise...nope.

im sore. did i mention that?

and i have to work more then i normally do because of the weird training program for the new facility.

so i am beat.

but the good new is i have friday/saturday off this week! that is a major score for me!

bed time!

update

2008-05-08T14:35:00.000-07:00

alot can happen in such a short amount of time.

so, the guy who occupies my thoughts is now my keepaway.

professionally we are not allowed in throwing distance from each other which really sucks because i liked talking to him.

the good news is that we were forced to talk about our feelings and whatever whoever had in their mind backfired because now he and i are about ten times closer.

we are currently and actively looking for a baby-sitter to hang out with us because until one of is leaves our current location we can't hang out just he and i.

whatever.

it has been a challenge but we are making it work.

i have been actively tearing apart my apartment because i move in...

12 days!

i am VERY excited.

my ADHD is challenging my packing abilities because i cant stick with one project. i am trying to conquer my living room/bathroom/room all at the same time. it is not very effective.

i might just try and focus on my living room.

i need to be smart about this.

my OFFICIAL move in date (if i get the day off work) is MAY 20!!!

i am ready for a fresh start.

i keep getting all of these chances to start over and i keep screwing it up.

leaving for college...

leaving for montana...

leaving eac for the last time...

moving to phoenix...

maybe THIS time i will grow into me a little bit more.

i keep having that challenge of finding me, or thinking i did and then losing myself because i fall into some depression. i am better then that.

anyways, now i am just waiting for Molly to call so Leslie and i can sign the Lease. Molly reminds me alot of Diana Lewis. Cute and bubbly but really just needs to shave her legs and look into a mirror before coming to work. we have been trying to take care of signing our lease for days but molly wont call us back ever to tell us that the lease is ready to be signed. i called her today and she said she just needed to print it out and we could sign it. she told me she would give me a call when it was printed. its 245pm...i called her ALMOST 2 hours ago.

la terraza's printer better be broken...

end of story.

natural thing.

2008-05-01T07:35:00.001-07:00

Oh yeah...

katie likes.

somethings just feel natural even when they shouldnt.

i wasnt sure how it went.

but he validated it all for me.

im ready for next time.

im ready for a natural feeling again.

I LOVE IT!

it cannot wait

2008-04-28T02:41:00.000-07:00

You know what i kind of hate more then ANYTHING in the world?

When you want to be with someone but you CAN'T for like a billion reasons and one.

Especially when there is like so much sexual tension between you and them that you can't even cut that crap with a chainsaw.

i love when we hand each other things but let our hands linger a little longer then need be just to touch.

i love looking at him.

i love catching him watching me and then him turning away embarrased.

i love when we leave a room with other people and we always find each others eyes before leaving the room.

i love his 2 hours spent walking around and that an hour of that is spent with me and the other hour is divided between 8 other places.

i love our clandestine chats, phone calls, and text messages.

i'm almost at a point where i don't care. i know i should be more discreet but i can't help being drawn to him everytime i see him.

seriously...

i hate that i can't be with him.

while i work tonight...

2008-04-21T04:50:00.000-07:00

I am lucky tonight to have the internet where i am working and so it allows me to do a little bit of writing.

I have been thinking alot lately of marriage...kids...living life.

I used to ALWAYS want to have the whole picture. You know with the white picket fence and the matching jogging suits, golden retriever, and perfect children. I've always had this very normal rockwell-esque picture painted in my head. I really wanted that all for myself. I know i am pretty young and i still have years to learn and live life. Hanging out with these older kids has opened my eyes to a whole world of possibilites.

with 3 sisters getting married you would think i would wondering when it would be my turn. Maybe i would have a twinge of jealousy. I really don't. I want to live my life more. I very much enjoy being on my own and having many quiet moments to myself.

Me liking katie time doesnt mean that i don't get out and still search for a norman rockwell moment. i date. i love. i lust. i am doing it currently. he is older. what is it about older men as of late? i guess i got tired of dating all of these little boys. i needed someone with more life experience. anyways, he doesnt really like the whole idea of marriage and i am okay with that. i would like to be a not so tragic or single spinster. its nice to lust and love. i'm not ready for the next step.

Today at family dinner i was asked how many kids i want. i sort of laughed it off and mentioned that i just want a cabbage patch kid. really its all i want at this point. maybe a nice puppy i can sit down with and say, "your the only guy for me."

point is i am not ready to stop living my life. i am not ready trying to figure out myself first. i see alot of people who get married without knowing themselves and it becomes tragic in the end. i dont want that for myself.

i want to know me completly and then i want to be at a point where all i need to do is learn my companion and how we fit together.

while i work tonight...

i just want to continue to love being me.

anniversaries.

2008-04-06T20:00:00.000-07:00

its getting close to moving time!

it got me thinking...

june 13 i will have been living in phoenix for a whole year. it is amazing all that has happened in only a year. when i think back to why i came all the way out here i am met with regrets but at the same time i am very grateful for my decision. i grew up out here and even though i left a wonderful life on the east side (you cant really leave it 40 minutes away) i found out who my real friends were and i grew much closer then i ever have been before. so am i glad i moved to phoenix almost a year ago?

yes.

if i could go back and do it over whould i?

i'm not sure. i'm still trying to figure that out.

after i thought about all of that i relaized that may is a pretty big month for me. i have 4 days in there that are pretty big for me.

may 10, 2006...i stepped on that red hot nail...this may 10 will be by 2nd toeversarry!!! i remember that day so much...i was with the firehouse girls at our end of the year bonfire. oh how i love those girls. i learned alot from them as well. the whole night in the hospital with them...they are GREAT people.

may 11...my dark day. its been...2 years. intense. somethings are hard to really let go.

may 3, 2007 i graduated from the academy. it has almost been a whole freakin' year since i spent 9 weeks being tortured and having my WHOLE life rearranged. everything changed in 9 weeks.

then...

may 7, 2007 i started working where i am now. i remember how scared i was and just how LOST i was...i am sooo grateful i had J there with me to be freaked out. I remember that day like it was YESTERDAY. i see how far i have come in just one year and i am amazed. I went from other officers helping me along and teach me step by step to now being one of those officers who help the new people along and help them step by step. its a growing process. i am still learning and i have had my ups and downs but i am still going and am excited to do so.

really...everyday is an anniversary. i LOVE anniversaries. i love remembering days and saying...its been one year or 2 years. sometimes it is nice to look back a year and say...alot has changed. its nice to look at a best friend and say...i met you one year ago today. alot happens in a year and i love celebrating anniversaries and looking back from the past to the present and the growth in between.

celebrate an anniversary.

doesnt need to be a relationship with a lover...

it can be...

a day you moved out on your own...

or...

a day a loved one passed away.

just...

celebrate your own anniversary.

all those nights...

2008-03-28T16:12:00.000-07:00

I feel different.

things have been so WEIRD in my life.

i'm making choices that are a bit different and shock myself.

i'm getting quiet.

i'm getting kinda angry.

i'm forgetting how to talk to people.

i watch alot of television again.

i spend my nights deep in thought...

wishing.

missing.

i miss all those nights where i was talking alot or i was excited to talk to people and to hang out with people.

i feel different...

a love affair with music.

2008-03-24T17:17:00.000-07:00

music has always been a pretty big thing for me. my love affair with music goes back years and years. i dont think there is a man out there who could come between music and i. lately though i have used music as my sort of therapist. although my therapist doesnt necesarily help or answer my questions...i always feel better at the end of a session.

i've always loved this one group called the old 97's...they have spoken the words i cant really say. right now...they have this song called valentine; "...there ain't nothing better then the girl whose moving on...". i hate break ups more then i hate awkward family dinners.

i have a song for everything. for everyone. if you are my friend you have a song. if you are in my family you have a song. i've picked a song for every moment in my life. it explains things better for me and just makes more sense.

i LOVE music. i'm not allowed to have guys in my life right now so music will be my love. i will take music everywhere. i will always have music in my head. i will introduce music to my family and friends. music will be there when i go to sleep and be there when i wake up. i love music.

"that's some good shit"

music makes me love EVERYTHING. right now i love everything! and just about everyone!

love life!

all for work...

2008-03-21T17:28:00.000-07:00

so today i had pepperball and taser training...

it was re-certification, it was mandatory or else i wouldn't get to carry my sweet taser around and tase more inmates and i wouldnt get to fire the pepperball gun just to show my sgt how NOT to hit an officer and actually hit the inmate. The training was suppose to be 8 hours long. 2 of those is the practical part...

hands on!

the other 6...

sit in a desk.

BUT...

the instructor was pretty legit and he got it down to 6 hours but still getting credit for 8 hours of the mandatory 40 hours. the taser part was a drag...like i wanted to bludgin myself with my pen and then drive stun myself with the taser just to see which would hurt more. that class dragged and even the practical portion was a drag. not that i don't LOVE deploying the taser but unless the target is actually alive...its not so fun. if thats sadistic of me well then...so be it. i work in law enforcement...i could be worse.

at least i had leslie there with me. i might have bludgined myself if she hadnt been there. let me tell you...it helps to have your best friend sitting next to you even if you can't REALLY talk to them. it helps. she and i were agitated together.

after taser we went to subway (just what i needed) and we got it to go and sat outside on the break patio, ate, and talked about old times when we were in the academy. Fulaytor and Meadows was there with us as well so it was nice to bull shit with them. i miss the people but not the academy itself from when i went through the basic training portion.

then we had pepperball...thats where we had a shorter class. 2 hours instead of 4. it was actually pretty interesting. lots of videos and lots of news reporters getting hit and coughing people while their mucas membranes swelled! it was funny but i was dead tired because i had to be at training before most people would think to open one eye...or roll over. so at this point i just wanted to get it over with. i FLEW through the pepperball test and didnt miss a question. then it was off to the practical in the mock jail. the instructor fired one live round into a cell and was like...lets wait a bit until it takes effect...sure enough like 15 minutes later people were coughing and everything. ONE round. thats some good shit! it was fun to shoot the pepperball again.

after training ended leslie and i went to walmart and shopped til we dropped. next it's dinner with J and then...who knows...movie night maybe? my plans are surely fluid!

oh and i think i found the best apartment complex in the world! im secretly hoping leslie and i cant find anything better! its right by asu and closer to the east side!

yes please!

mental mecca.

2008-03-19T10:28:00.000-07:00

So, today is March...18...19th?? i'm not all too sure. All my days sort of just mesh together now. i haven't written in this thing in FOREVER. i haven't exactly been all there to write logically anyways. so, let's play catch up. When i last wrote i was writing about dissapointments...strangly, it all still stands. My life has taken a complete 180 since i started this thing. i'm fresh into post breakup right now which mostly includes alot of crying and alot of...weeping openly in public!!! it is embarrasing but thats what happens when you break up with someone you love in order to pursue a much more healthy mental mecca. lets see...i went from having someone i could run all my thoughts by to someone who is kind of becoming a mystery. i never know when i will see her these days and when i do see her...it just feels different. i totally blame it on all the boys we have/had in our lives. i was killing my mind over the whole thing but i have lately come to think...oh well. some people are only meant to be in your life for so long and some you are only meant to be so close to for so long. i wish i would have known that when i was friends with kimri. it would have made the last 2 years a whole hell of alot easier on me. although the journal enteries would NOT have been as entertaining if i had known then what i know now. i passed my one year mark with mcso. that's right...i speant a WHOLE YEAR locked in one job. i have NEVER done that before. for someone who wants to experience everything this is a big thing. maybe knowing i still have alot to learn is aiding me in staying for so long and not planning to retire the badge just yet. I have lived in Phoenix for 9 months. I have been away from my comfort zone and exposed to everything. these have been the scariest 9 months of my life. sometimes i think that i made the wrong choice moving out here. in fact, as of late...i think that thought everyday. my lease is up in 3 months...

recently i had been feeling really rather disheveled and have felt a strong pressure to have "it" together. whatever "it" really is anyways. i stopped feeling young and just felt this overwhelming pressure to grow up and become like the people around me. i lose sight so much on the fact that i am only 21 years old. i am not 31...i'm not 42...i'm not 29...and im certainly not 26. i think it is unfare that some people can't remember that i AM only 21. So much of my life has been spent trying to figure out who i am and to love who i am. it dawned on me the other day that i was spending alot of time comparing myself to those people around me who appear to have "it" altogether.it became very exhausting. i wasn't being me, i wasn't trying to maintain my own legitimacy, i was trying to take others legitimacy and at the same time trying to help them maintain the legitimacy i was trying to steal from them. i wasn't being me. while i was away...who was?

BELONG TO YOURSELF.

I went to florida this past week and i had a pretty life changing experience. i found what i would like to call my mental mecca. for those of you who dont know what mecca is...its a holy city in israel. Mecca has undergone more change the any other city in the world. it has gone through war after war followed by a few moments of peace and then more wars. Still, the city is revered as a holy city by all who enter it and it is said to just feel still once inside. Well, i found my mental mecca. my mind, for the first time...it was STILL. i was clear of all negative energy. i didn't care what was going on, what had gone on, or what would go on. it was just me in those few precious moments. i seperated myself from the world and flew far above everything and reached a peaceful serenity i never thought possible. my mind was more happy and healthy then it had been in almost 3 years. i left behind all my feelings of bitterness and self loathing and laughed in the face of all my sorrows. i was happy and nothing mattered. when i left i realized more then ever i wanted to feel that always. so now, i am in search of a way to do that. i dont let the little things phase me. people are just people to me now. i've learned not to let myself get so carried away. i just don't care when bad things start to gather. it helps the negative energy pass by when i remind myself what its like to float away.

in yoga class today i tried the whole meditating business...mental mecca achieved. when i exhaled on those gental movements my mind left my body and floated high above everything. i came home and i started to clean everything...clean apartment, even clearer mind.

im off to a fresh new start. i promise to keep this thing more updated and to update people a little more. a much more wise katie. a young mind. but a wise mind. i can hang with that.

tomorrow leslie and i are going on some random adventures to the rennaisance fair and then i am finally going to get to see kent in the easter pageant again...i am very excited for all of that. i LOVE the feelings i get at the easter pageant. i am hoping it will help me achieve mental mecca again...remembering those feelings...i am stoked.

i am a new me.

i am belonging to myself again!

everyone eventually will dissapoint you...

2008-02-22T04:27:00.000-08:00

So i had the most unlikely person throw me for a loop tonight and it really bummed me out. It got me thinking that if we wouldnt put so much faith in people that maybe when the hard things come we wouldnt be so turned upside down. You never REALLY know the people you are closest to. I know i have hidden alot about my past from my best friends. I know they have done the same. We hold the people in such a high place and you feel like you never know what to think after they upset you. I guess starting now i am going to start caring less. Not about them or myself but about the end situation because it has already happened and can't erase those things. You can only try to accept and aknowledge that they are hopefuly very sorry for their actions. Just like you can only be sorry for the words you have said as well. I'm understanding of the situation so i cant be too shocked but i guess i didnt expect it. Nobody is perfect and i know that, i always have. Everyone will eventually dissapoint you it is just up to you to be able to determine just how serious it was and if you know you will eventually not care then to better at not being so weird until then. I think being happy you even have friends you can share your dark times with should make you stoked. I'm doing better about when i fall into dark times remembering the happy moments in my life and worrying about the problems when i know i will process things better. so until you get to that point or until i get to that point now just remember times that made you laugh...

changing times...

2008-02-02T14:06:00.000-08:00

so i know that nothing ever stays the same but do you ever wish that certain people or certain things in your life would just stay the same. i hate the feeling like if i turned around people or things might not be there for me...its a 50/50 chance and you never know what you are gonna get. it is sort of a sad feeling. it has been a weird sort of few weeks for me. i miss the way things used to be. i always will. i thought i worried a bit before...now it's even worse.

i'm trying to find distractions. i will let you know. i only assume that nothing will change unless i open my mouth. something i usually have a hard time doing in times like these.

sometimes i hate being "nice katie"...

2008!

2008-01-03T07:27:00.000-08:00

so i suppose i had a pretty kick ass start to my new year...

i had plans to hang with the East kids with my bestie Leslie but due to some mixed feelings on the importance of New Years i decided to give up the East Kids to be with Leslie which i was really okay with despite the fact that i hear it was pretty kick ass over there too.

Leslie and i technically didn't celebrate the new year until after it was 2008 and so i ended up celebrating on my own on the front steps of my stairs. I live in Phoenix...like in the hood, so unlike on the east side where there are fireworks at midnight...i listened to all the gangsta's and their bitches and ho's (there is a difference!) shoot off their guns into the air...what goes up must come down right? right! so lucky for me i was hiding out under the stairwell. A minute or two or maybe 5 after midnight Leslie and i celebrated New Year's on Leslie time in the parking lot of leslie's apartment complex and we shot those party favor streamer things at each other...never mind the fact it comes with a warning that says...NO...dont do that! After the short celebration Leslie and i went to In N' Out for dinner and i bought the first meal of the new year for Leslie and she and i just sat around and talked for a few hours...she and i haven't seen each other and got to talk face to face for almost 3 weeks at this point...this has been tuff on the both of us especially because we were linked at the hip on our days off and even while we worked we would sit and talk on the phone all of shift. you would think we would have run out of topics but for leslie and i...that just doesnt happen. so it has been tuff not to have each other around as often so at first it was weird but it didnt take long for us to be us again.

this is one of my fav pics...pretty much just shows how much we make each other laugh...from our november Disneyland trip...happiest place on earth!

Leslie had to go to work new years day so i farted around and went to Karla's apartment and when leslie got home i left my apartment and got us pizza and we watched blood diamond (sooooo eff'n good!) and then we stayed up talking and being mean to each other until 4am or so. i do love every moment spent with that girl...she is just good people. someone i can talk to and talk to and talk to and it just never gets old...we don't always have to talk though...we are content with silence too.

ANYWAYS!

on wed Robert calls me up and says he is going to take Leslie and i to a movie. Leslie decides it is time we introduce Robert to our chipotle sessions which i was stoked for. We had fun...Robert and i ordered our food in espaniol and i talked dirty to him right in front of Leslie and she didn't even know it cause it was in espaniol! we then went to Costco and Robert and i pretended we were having a MEAN high tea hang...pinkies up and slamming cups. it was tight. we saw The Great Debators...which...haha...Robert had a better name for it...that will stay between me...leslie...and robert. oh and i found the Calvin and Hobbes comis series at costco...i am buying that shit. i need it in my life.

www.myspace.com/therocman602 = Robert's Kick Ass Myspace Music Page...i love his music and so should YOU!
last night at work an inmate with staff infection touched my arm and now it wont stop itching...seriously i wanted to beat her up but i get in enough use of force trouble as it is...actually i have never gotten in trouble for it...one of these days though...

2008 has been legit thus far. today leslie and i are going to dippin' dots and to zoo lights...stoked!

oh and christmas was christmas...bah humbug as always.but meagan and i did have a picture taken of us that REALLY scared us. it was like we were looking at our futures...oh man! haha...ya moms to be!

so life is really good.

that is all.

bah humbug

2007-12-20T06:34:00.000-08:00

so i have never really been into the christmas season...it's too much commercialized bull shit and hallmark greetings for me now. when i was little i used to be so stoked on the holiday. as time went on i grew less and less stoked about the holiday season until the only day i liked was december 25th because of the presents...but now i find myself dreading even the presents that i feel i dont need or didnt deserve. as always i am more then pleased to get friends gifts to make them smile but as for myself...i've decided i am okay with nothing. after all...i have no furniture...im pretty okay with that.

it's just no matter how i try i cant help but get pissed every christmas season. sometimes i wish i coudl sleep through the whole christmas season and just wake up and see a bag full of beef jerkey and some fruit punch gatorade...that sounds like a wonderful christmas breakfast!

...................................

bah eff'n humbug!

letters in december

2007-12-17T08:40:00.000-08:00

as if i actually need another place to write things down...meagan dragged me here...only she doesn't know...i just followed her link and it looked trustworthy enough. so, as cliche as it is to say it...this is my first time posting on this thing...i'm sure there are a billion things i COULD say here who i am and what im all about and what i am all for (katie perez, legitimacy, and pizza) but i'm gonna talk about my current writing project called 'Letters in December'...i've been writing it since december 1st all about this girl who is writing letters to herself about all the tuff things going on in her life. There isn't any conversations with other people...its entirely composed of letters to herself. it is actually really cool. seeing as i have ALOT of down time at work, i usually write there...after all if i can pull myself away from paperwork and quarreling bitches long enough to take this picture:

then i certainly have the time to write a detailed book...novel...story...memoirs of a troubled young women who no one can quite understand.

in a way i think i relate to some of the things my character says. she has such a beautiful mind but when no one really understands her because of how severly transcendental she is she has to dumb herself down and she begins to lose sight of who she REALLY is. so when problems arise she begins to lose herself because she doesn't know how to balance who she is and who she is being forced to try and become. i guess i sort of understand her. sometimes i feel that because i am "odd" to other people that it has forced me to change and manipulate who i am to myself so everyone else can be satisfied. I have left myself very vulnerable. it will be interesting what happens to my character. where will december take her in just a month? will she even be alive by new years? only 15 days left until my project is complete.

today is also the start of my regular days off...stupid monday/tuesday combo. since leslie is starting her new assignment today i am going to be spending these days off on my own working on robert's music project wishing that leslie magically was granted a monday/tuesday combo back and that it was already march and leslie and i were sitting on the florida beaches tanning our little asses off!

and speaking of robert. i love robert. sure do...thats why i am devoting all my free time to his music project. then again if i didn't like his music i wouldn't be making it a priority on my days off...as the rocman...robert is gangsta gangsta.

so i guess that concludes my first post. i'm sure there will be more to come. there always is...